EDMONTON – The latest report compiled by market experts has revealed that the 2021 release from noted calendar brand “Omg Pups!” is filled with absolute uggos this year. The newest 13-month…
Animal
Disinterested cat leaves gift card for dead mouse in owners shoes
VANCOUVER – In a stark display of feline frigidity, local cat owner Carly Munroe awoke Thursday morning to find a gift card for a dead mouse inside her slippers left by her cat, Mittens. Ea…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
Fighting fish awfully aggressive for a Beta
COQUITLAM, BC – The residents of the Chung household were in shock last week as the most recent addition to their family, a fighting fish named Stanley, began acting hostile towards them de…
Vancouver experiencing severe Mothman infestation
VANCOUVER – The Lower Mainland is witnessing an explosive increase in the area’s Mothman population, with experts calling it the largest cryptid infestation they’ve seen in deca…
Cocksure pigeon really struttin’ about town
TORONTO – Sources on the ground are reporting that one surprisingly cocksure pigeon was struttin’ down Bloor Street this past Monday as though he owned the whole town. “Usually I don’t even…
Scientists discover zebras got stripes to be cool as teens and now they can’t take them off
BRISTOL, UK – A recent study shows zebras are normal horses that got stripes when they were in their teen years and now they can’t remove them, even though they want to. The reasons behind …
Fruit fly just wants to suck and fuck on your watermelon rinds
KITCHENER, ON – A notorious fruit fly that has been pestering the home of a local couple, has finally been captured early this morning. When his motives were questioned, the fruit fly simpl…
Nation’s pugs demand to sneeze into your mouth
OTTAWA – A press statement released by the Pug Unification Guild this morning, stated that the nation’s pugs demand access to human mouths in order to sneeze into them. “While there are man…
Canadian Dam Association releases report on the amount of work done by uncertified beavers
OTTAWA – A shocking centuries-long report has been released by the Canadian Dam Regulation on the amount of work done on the nation’s dams by uncertified beaver labourers. The report detail…