VANCOUVER – The Lower Mainland is witnessing an explosive increase in the area’s Mothman population, with experts calling it the largest cryptid infestation they’ve seen in deca…
Animal
Cocksure pigeon really struttin’ about town
TORONTO – Sources on the ground are reporting that one surprisingly cocksure pigeon was struttin’ down Bloor Street this past Monday as though he owned the whole town. “Usually I don’t even…
Scientists discover zebras got stripes to be cool as teens and now they can’t take them off
BRISTOL, UK – A recent study shows zebras are normal horses that got stripes when they were in their teen years and now they can’t remove them, even though they want to. The reasons behind …
Fruit fly just wants to suck and fuck on your watermelon rinds
KITCHENER, ON – A notorious fruit fly that has been pestering the home of a local couple, has finally been captured early this morning. When his motives were questioned, the fruit fly simpl…
Nation’s pugs demand to sneeze into your mouth
OTTAWA – A press statement released by the Pug Unification Guild this morning, stated that the nation’s pugs demand access to human mouths in order to sneeze into them. “While there are man…
Canadian Dam Association releases report on the amount of work done by uncertified beavers
OTTAWA – A shocking centuries-long report has been released by the Canadian Dam Regulation on the amount of work done on the nation’s dams by uncertified beaver labourers. The report detail…
Calgary Stampede cancelled, chuckwagon horses to be euthanized anyway
CALGARY – After announcing that the Calgary Stampede would be cancelled for the first time in its 108-year history due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Stampede organizers were at pains to stress …
Nation’s hamsters shockingly indifferent to global pandemic
OTTAWA – In a surprising display that no one could have predicted, pet hamsters across Canada have shown an incredible lack of interest in the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite Prime Minister Just…