New bird added to endangered species list
Experts agree this species will almost certainly become extinct due to human activity, in this case the activity of a single human.…
Swiss Chalet, Durex team up for Chalet Sauce flavoured lube
TORONTO – Recipe Unlimited Corporation, the owners of Swiss Chalet, have announced a collaboration with sex accessories corporation Durex that will finally see the release of Chalet Sauce f…
“I’ve got a great new side hustle”, says woman about second full-time job
VICTORIA, BC – Local resin artist Rivka Fiore is singing the praises of side-hustle culture as she celebrates her 500th order on her online site. “It’s been so liberating compared to my off…
Scientists declare 2 degree warming target was possible until you left bathroom lights on last night
GENEVA – A consortium of environmental scientists released a declaration that humanity’s accelerating march toward climate catastrophe had previously been avoidable before you left the ligh…
Report: Melancholic Mario just really doesn’t feel like partying today
Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek. …
Canadians hoping Musk will buy Bell and Rogers next
OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment wi…
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces whatever it takes to get on TV again
PALM BEACH, FL – In a late-breaking address live from his Mar-A-Lago beach resort, former President Donald Trump has announced that he is willing to say or do absolutely anything whatsoever…
Where are they now: “Don’t you put it in your mouth” puppet checks into rehab
VANCOUVER – Representatives for the female Sister Puppet from the popular 1992 Concerned Children’s Advertisers PSA “Don’t you put it in your mouth” have confirmed that the puppet has check…
5 essential pieces for your nuclear winter wardrobe
It’s never been a better time to pick up some sturdy essentials that will keep you cute and cozy through a period of severe and prolonged global cooling brought on by a nuclear catastrophe! 1. A …
“You should totally have kids!” says friend who should not have had kids
Windsor, ON – Jacob Framer, a man who should never in a million years be allowed to care for young children, has recently been heard encouraging various friends and family members to procre…
