Winter is full of small joys – like sipping hot chocolate by the fire, looking at twinkly Christmas lights, and stomping all over snow forts that children spent hours building. But the absolute b…
Fashion
5 essential pieces for your nuclear winter wardrobe
It’s never been a better time to pick up some sturdy essentials that will keep you cute and cozy through a period of severe and prolonged global cooling brought on by a nuclear catastrophe! 1. A …
25% off sale on pants actually just regular price capris
TORONTO – Controversy arose this week at a downtown location of the popular retailer Urban Outfitters, as a “25% Off Pants” sale was revealed to be a rack of regularly priced capri pants. Shopper…
Woman shops for new wardrobe, like it matters
MONTREAL – A local woman has begun shopping for brand new clothes, even though nothing fucking matters anymore. “I’m sick of everything I own”, says Layla Veenstra, who just finished a doc…
Kardashian under fire after using Shroud of Turin as makeup sponge
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – The world’s most famous influencer, law student, and vessel through which Kris Jenner’s business aptitude flows has run into yet another controversy. Earlier this week, …
Man in Fred Perry polo clarifies he’s still an asshole but just not in that way
MONTREAL – After being the subject of numerous side glances and hushed whispers, local man in a Fred Perry polo Travis McCauley has come forward to clarify he’s still an asshole but just no…
Underwear dropped on laundromat floor still clean…right?
Bowmanville, ON — After dropping her freshly-washed undies on the laundromat floor yesterday afternoon, local woman Beth Jonks has determined that the pair is still clean enough to wear… probabl…
Woman who forgot to do laundry reluctantly puts on clown suit
TORONTO – Ashley Greenfield woke up this morning to discover that after weeks of putting off doing laundry and hand-washing her underwear in the sink, she was officially out of wearable clothing.…
Local woman’s bike shorts desperate to know to touch of bike seat just once
TORONTO – When lab technician, Sabrina Aleppo, acquired a pair of 7” inseam bike shorts, she did not expect to be tasked with mitigating the shorts’ desperate need to actually ride a bike. …
Local woman’s bike shorts desperate to know to touch of bike seat just once
TORONTO – When lab technician, Sabrina Aleppo, acquired a pair of 7” inseam bike shorts, she did not expect to be tasked with mitigating the shorts’ desperate need to actually ride a bike. …
