Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek.
“I mean… I just dont-a know-a,” explained Mario, lying on the ground while staring at a single gold coin in his hand. “Whats-a gonna be-a different about today? We go into the warp pipe, we play-a some games, then all-a da sudden Peach land on the question mark space and all my stars go to Luigi. Why bother?”
While at first the other members weren’t burdened by Mario’s apprehension, his existential questions began to erode their usually happy demeanors. Toad’s usual incoherent screaming turned into a quiet, but still cute mumbling. Yoshi’s smile slowly faded, and he just walked away from the group. The Millennium star, keeper of all the star power, said he was just going to go home and watch some Netflix.
“I mean-a, who cares who the ‘superstar is’,” questioned Luigi. “What-a even is-a Supastar? Does it have health benefits? A salary? What kind of party is this anyway?”
Wario and Walugi then showed up, and while they usually would be more than happy to see Mario sad, his current indifference created a panic in the problematic duo.
“If-a Mario is neutral, then-a what is-a the point of Wario,” asked Wario. “My-a life is all-a about being antithesis so Mario, so if Mario is nothing, then Wario is… nothing…”
“One-a person named the superstar, next-a day it’s someone else, so what does it even-a mean,” continued Waluigi, taking off and staring forlornly at his purple hat. “We get-a hurt, shot-a at, and it’s all-a for nothing? What is death-a but one big-a game over?
Eventually Peach and Donkey Kong did start a round of Mario Party, but at turn two, Donkey Kong stared into the roll dice, and has refused to strike it. His only comment so far has been, “Why does the caged bird cry?”