Guy in wraparound shades fully prepared to show ISIS who they’re dealing with
BANCROFT, ON – Decked out in camouflage pants, wraparound sunglasses and a fresh bicep tattoo, local badass Dave Kringler is ready to rock and roll the exact moment ISIS gives him a reason …
Conservative Party announces it ‘hath ended its opposition to buggery’
VANCOUVER – In a dramatic announcement, the Conservative Party of Canada announced it no longer opposes marriage between two chaps or a couple of dowagers. “I suppose the jig is up and it i…
Liberal Party’s new policies based on inspiring set of fridge magnets
WINNIPEG – The Liberal Party of Canada wrapped up their first Biennial Convention since their 2015 federal electoral victory and adopted many new important policies based on very uplifting …
Monte Carlo collects $400,000 in fines from Formula One speed trap
MONACO – Calling it their most successful day yet, the Monte Carlo police force handed out $433,000 worth of speeding tickets in just 3 hours of traffic stops at yesterday’s Formula One rac…
Woman purchases mason jars, old records at garage sale to sell at next garage sale
OTTAWA – Local woman, Willow Andrews, was thrilled with her recent garage sale finds of rustic mason jars and old vinyl records, which will be featured in her own garage sale next year once…
Hero Ambassador Kevin Vickers tackles protester before he could detonate opinions
DUBLIN – Canadian Ambassador to Ireland Kevin Vickers is once again being called a hero for tackling a man heavily armed with a loud voice before he could detonate his opinions at a ceremon…
Harper delivers heartfelt, heavily redacted resignation speech
OTTAWA – Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced he was bowing out of politics today in a sincere, and vigorously redacted, speech to the House of Commons. “I hope that my tenure as …
Rona Ambrose slowly lowers live goat into pit full of Tory backbenchers
OTTAWA – During question period today, interim leader of the Conservative Party Rona Ambrose used her time to feed a live goat to several dozen ravenous Tory backbenchers. “We are not to be…
Zoo officials hope patrons don’t notice they’ve replaced capybaras with giant TTC rats
TORONTO – With two capybaras having escaped from the High Park Zoo earlier this week, administrators are hoping that zoo visitors don’t notice that the animals have been temporarily r…
Woman braces for barrage of street harassment think pieces
VANCOUVER — As warmer weather approaches and fashions become more revealing, women across the country have begun grudgingly preparing themselves for an increase in street harassment opinion piece…