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British Columbia Election 2017: Party Platforms

BC voters head to the polls on May 9th. Here are some of the major policies for the three largest parties:


Education: Buy hardhats for teachers willing to do photo ops
Transportation: Build a giant bridge that connects all the other bridges
Environment: There should definitely be an environment
Marijuana Legalization: Keep pot illegal, tax fentanyl overdoses
Housing: Incorporate the homeless



Healthcare: Having a PhD now makes you a “real” doctor
Affordable Child Care: Build Raffi a stadium
The Economy: There should definitely be an economy
Security: A 2m restraining order on Christy Clark to prevent her from touching John Horgan during debates
Housing: Unionize the homeless



Transportation: Make bike lanes BC’s official spirit animal
Environment: Establish carbonite tax to reduce bounty hunter emissions
Security: There should definitely be a security
Indigenous Affairs: Acknowledge BC sits on unceded land before every event you hold anyway
Housing: Compost the homeless

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book