Rona Ambrose slowly lowers live goat into pit full of Tory backbenchers
OTTAWA – During question period today, interim leader of the Conservative Party Rona Ambrose used her time to feed a live goat to several dozen ravenous Tory backbenchers. “We are not to be…
Zoo officials hope patrons don’t notice they’ve replaced capybaras with giant TTC rats
TORONTO – With two capybaras having escaped from the High Park Zoo earlier this week, administrators are hoping that zoo visitors don’t notice that the animals have been temporarily r…
Woman braces for barrage of street harassment think pieces
VANCOUVER — As warmer weather approaches and fashions become more revealing, women across the country have begun grudgingly preparing themselves for an increase in street harassment opinion piece…
Nation’s cats celebrate being able to shit in people’s gardens again
CANADA – With the larger part of Canada now experiencing prolonged periods of warmth, cats nationwide are once again reveling in their ability to defecate in the newly-planted gardens of Ca…
Wal-Mart parking lot in Whitehorse newest campground in Yukon
WHITEHORSE – Extolling the breathtaking beauty of Whitehorse’s urban wilderness, Yukon Parks has unveiled its newest campground located in the Walmart parking lot between Quartz Road and Ch…
Dave’s colonoscopy video wins top prize at Cannes
CANNES – After eleven days of electrifying and challenging cinema at the Cannes Film Festival, the prestigious Palme d’Or was awarded to MULLINS PROC. CRX34-8, a thorough portrayal of 60-year-old…
INFOGRAPHIC: How good their dog is VS. How much money they have
Here’s an infographic that explains the relationship between how much money a person has versus how good their dog is.…
Queen Victoria celebrates birthday by getting wasted at cottage
POINTE-AU-BARIL, ON – In honour of her 197th birthday, Queen Victoria of England is celebrating the long weekend the way many of her Canadian colonists are, by getting completely shit-faced…
Trudeau’s attempt to start Parliamentary Fight Club backfires
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau admitted this morning that yesterday’s effort to finally get the House of Commons Fight Club started was a poor choice on his part. “I just thought that at the end o…
Patio season convinces Ottawa woman she doesn’t live in desolate arctic hellscape 90% of year
OTTAWA – As local residents welcome patio season, Sana Khan, a thirty-two year old public servant, appears to be struck with a severe case of amnesia, tragically unable to recall that she …