Shocked Trans Mountain pipeline sees Justin Trudeau and environment holding hands in restaurant
OTTAWA – The Trans Mountain pipeline was shocked to discover Justin Trudeau on a date with the environment yesterday evening, after the Prime Minister had just hours earlier told it that he…
TTC announces fare hike to pay for more ‘best transit system’ decals
TORONTO – Still basking in the glow of winning best transit system in North America last year, the TTC has announced they will be raising adult fares from 3.25 to 3.50 in order to buy more …
Historic first: Phoenix pay system completes first payment for public servant without causing colossal fuck-up
OTTAWA – In what is being described as a historic first, IBM’s pay system for all of Canada’s public servants has successfully paid an employee the proper amount at the proper time without …
Washington Post reveals that Trump advisor Paul Manafort is just Vladimir Putin in disguise
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nour Hadidi) discuss the #Rocketman speech (2:00), detail why Donald Trump is like an embarrassing mom (5:30), pray for Mueller and his investigative team (9…
Quebec man pretty sure hour-long explanation of Quiet Revolution will convince people he’s not racist
TORONTO – After being called out on charged comments made at a Toronto house party, Gatineau native Jean Tommelier is currently explaining the history of Quebec’s Quiet Revolution in an att…
Andrew Scheer refuses to remove Lynn Beyak from caucus until she says something he doesn’t secretly agree with
OTTAWA – Under pressure to remove controversial Senator Lynn Beyak from the Conservative Caucus, leader of the opposition Andrew Scheer has promised to do so the second Beyak says something…
Donald Trump addresses UN General Assembly with face covered in wing sauce
NEW YORK – US President Donald Trump gave his much anticipated first speech to the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday, and while the speech was historic in content, it will primarily b…
STUDY: Scientists spend 60% of time figuring out whether they could, 20% thinking if they should
Waterloo, ON – A new study by University of Waterloo psychologists has identified how much time scientists devote to figuring out whether or not they could do something, versus if they should do …
Local megalomaniac withholds “like” from Facebook acquaintance
MONTREAL — This past Sunday afternoon, local maniac Sherman Argyle flaunted his mighty influence by refusing to like the photo of a Facebook acquaintance. Reports show that Argyle, drunk with pow…
Masked crimefighter honestly not sure why he thought child sidekick would help
METRO CITY – Costumed adventurer the Crimson Revenger is at a loss to explain why he thought a masked child would be any help in fighting the city’s violent criminal underbelly. The child s…