VANCOUVER – After a years-long joint investigation by multiple international agencies, authorities have finally arrested the drug kingpin responsible for supplying all squirrels with massiv…
Nature
Last green leaf patiently awaits death
VANCOUVER – After weeks of watching all of its brethren slowly expire around it, the last green leaf still alive in the province of B.C. is stoically preparing for its own imminent death. “…
Study finds 1 million species face extinction but raccoon that took over your balcony is going to be fine
TORONTO – A devastating study has revealed that humans are to blame for the one million species at risk of extinction in the next few years, while you are personally to blame for the thirty…
Humpback whale unable to stop herself from eating delicious, delicious plastic bags
THE GREAT PACIFIC GARBAGE PATCH – Stuffing her fifth one that day into her mouth, a local humpback whale found herself unable to stop eating those delicious, delicious plastic bags scattere…
Scientists taught this bear to mimic facial expressions but in a mean way
VANCOUVER – Bear lovers rejoice! We are officially one step closer to fully communicating with our furry friends. For the first time in history, scientists have taught a bear to mimic human facia…
Endangered animals sick of humans breathlessly watching them mate
CALGARY – Animals on the endangered species list the world over are sick and tired of humanity’s obsession with watching their mating habits and they’re not keeping silent about it anymore.…
Moose waiting by side of highway to jump out and sue driver
CORNER BROOK, NL – Waiting to charge out at passing cars at any moment, authorities say the public should be on the lookout for a moose by the side of the highway whom they say is planning …
Biology: Virgin-ass Greenland shark doesn’t even hit sexual maturity until 150 years old
St John’s, Newfoundland — Despite melting polar ice caps and the global fish population plummeting, marine biologists across the globe have found themselves pointing at the sea, doubled ove…
Campfire smell lingers into third day
PETERBOROUGH, ON – The distinct smell of charcoal and woodsmoke continues to linger around an Ontario family three full days after returning from a weekend camping trip. “I didn’t mind the …
Pervy breeze caught blowing up dozens of skirts
SYDNEY N.S. – Footage has emerged on social media revealing a nefarious breeze reaching up the clothing of dozens of different people to tickle or caress their bare skin without consent. A …