Stouffville Mayor makes another photo grid linking half of town’s population to Kennedy assassination
STOUFFVILLE, ON – Another photo grid in the Whitchurch-Stouffville mayor’s office has implicated 23,753 citizens of Whitchurch-Stouffville in the assassination of US President John F. Kenne…
Millennial villagers prefer to pelt Lottery winners with avocado stones
THE VILLAGE – A conflict is brewing between Baby Boomers who insist on using the customary rocks and Millennial villagers who want to shift to murdering Lottery winners with organic avocado…
Hugh Hefner’s ashes interred within shoebox at back of your dad’s sock drawer
LOS ANGELES – With the passing of Hugh Hefner this week, the estate announced today that the final earthly remains of the Playboy founder and cultural icon will be cremated and then interre…
NDP excited to pick leader strong enough to split the left wing vote
OTTAWA – With the NDP leadership race revving up, party members are enthusiastic about finding a leader popular enough to divide progressive voters straight down the middle. “I’ve been dreaming o…
New Canada Food Guide asks, ‘You really gonna eat that?’
OTTAWA – Canada’s Food Guide is getting a complete overhaul, revamping the ten-year-old publication to deliver a clear nutritional message: “You’re doing it wrong.” The new Food Guide will …
Local man forgets wife’s birthday because of Antifa
PICKERING, ON – In the latest case of collateral damage by the volatile far Left, Pickering native Neil Davidson completely forgot his wife Laura’s 36th birthday this week, due to the vigil…
Update: Tweet that starts WWIII will now be up to 280 characters long
SAN FRANCISCO – Twitter today announced it will be beta testing a new 280 character limit on tweets in an effort to ensure that the tweet that causes a Third World War will be more a more s…
Self described “bon vivant” currently vomiting in children’s park
MONTREAL – After what was surely a rousing evening of eating, drinking, and celebrating, local man and self identifying bon vivant Kennedy Allen is currently throwing up in the sandbox of a…
Taxi company balks at being regulated like a taxi company
MONTREAL – Popular ride-sharing app Uber, which, for all intents and purposes, is a taxi company, has announced it will leave Québec after being asked to follow the same rules already appli…
QUIZ: Can you earn the respect of this super cool 6th grader?
So you’re stuck at a boring social event with a bunch of other adults and looking for a way to kill the time. What better way to do that than to befriend – and then hang out with – th…