TORONTO – Lisa MacLeod, Ontario’s new social-services minister, says she wasn’t trying to stoke anti-immigrant fears when she described all refugees as huge demons whose breath can reduce a cow to charcoal in under two minutes.
“So what if it isn’t true that refugees can fly and have supersonic hearing? Metaphorically, refugees are exactly as dangerous as the infernal creatures I described,” said MacLeod. “Okay, maybe they aren’t. But just imagine if they were that dangerous.”
Some of MacLeod’s inflammatory comments about migrants, the majority of whom are fleeing war, famine, or civil unrest, were shown to be unreliable by a team of reporters who simply telephoned a refugee and were not immediately driven mad by the sound of her voice. However, MacLeod stands behind the majority of her statements about the world’s most vulnerable people.
“I’ll admit, I was wrong when I said you could make a refugee disappear by tricking them into saying their name backwards,” said MacLeod. “But they definitely have multi-hued scales made from the rarest, and most toxic, beryllium. You can quote me on that.”
Human rights groups have gone even farther, accusing MacLeod of intentionally misleading the public. MacLeod has dismissed these challenges as “vile attempts to humanize human beings”.
“Just because it’s demonstrably a lie concocted to sow hatred for political gain that doesn’t make it fear-mongering,” said MacLeod. “And anyone who says differently wants refugees to soar out of the night sky, softly as fog, to steal your children.”
At press time, Doug Ford had accused Andrea Horwath of being a 20-headed hydra in disguise and the accusations had been independently confirmed by the Toronto Sun.