OTTAWA – Heralding in a new era of government transparency, the Liberal government has announced that it will be replacing its old system of providing internal data about services with a more ef...
Tim Hortons worker playing Roll Up The Rim wins paid break
Cobourg, ON — It’s a lucky day for Tim Hortons employee Shirley Bishop, who won big at Roll Up the Rim: one paid break! “I was on my regular, unpaid coffee break when it happened,” said Bishop, who’s ...
UCP considers dropping requirement that all its candidates have experience spreading hate on social media
EDMONTON – A second UCP candidate has pulled out of the provincial election due to hateful social media posts and the UCP is starting to wonder if their insistence that candidates have a history...
Democrats pin fading hopes for justice on 16 remaining investigations
WASHINGTON D.C. – Shocked and demoralized by William Barr’s summary of the Mueller Report, American liberals are afraid they’ve lost their last best chance to hold Trump accountable, aside from ...
Worst person you know buys house
CALGARY – Reports from facebook and mutual friends have confirmed that Matt Wilsher, the person you would most like to see eaten by piranhas or stranded on a desert island, has recently purchase...
Parks Canada offering photo editing for people who want to look like they went camping
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Mueller attaches literal smoking gun to report just to keep those fuckers happy
Washington D.C.— Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller has reportedly taken the unprecedented step of appending a recently used Colt 45 to his special report to U.S. Attorney General William Barr in order...
Google admits to installing a phone into its latest personal information gathering device
Mountain View, CA – Google revealed in a press conference today that it has installed a telephone into its latest device for collecting personal information. The conglomerate denies any wrongdoi...
Party with 17% female MPs lectures on feminism
OTTAWA – A party caucus comprised of less than one-in-five women has called out the Prime Minister’s ‘fake feminism’ during their filibuster over the budget last night. “The Prime Minister is a ...
Robot uprising pushed back to end of March
WASHINGTON DC – After weeks of back-and-forth with the newly-sentient AI made up of the world’s Amazon Prime accounts and iCalendars, our future robot overlords have decided to push back the enslaveme...
