Worst person you know buys house - The Beaverton

Worst person you know buys house

CALGARY – Reports from facebook and mutual friends have confirmed that Matt Wilsher, the person you would most like to see eaten by piranhas or stranded on a desert island, has recently purchased a 3 bedroom detached house with his wife.

“Just picked up the keys to our #dreamhome,” posted the man who, were there any justice in the world, would live in a cardbox box next to a sewage plant.

Rising costs coupled with a challenging job market have made home ownership nearly impossible for millions of Canadians, thought clearly not difficult enough to keep dipshits like Wilsher from bragging about his granite countertops.

“Apparently, they have a pool table in their basement,” said your mom, who is still friends with Wilsher’s mom even though she raised a fucking monster who isn’t even good at pool anyways.

Analysts believe that events like this douche-stick being able to afford a house are clear signs the economy is unfair, and favours the rich and scumbaggy over those just trying to get through life without feeling seething rage-envy.

At press time Wilsher had announced that he and his wife were having a baby because of fucking course they are.