EVERYWHERE – Humans across the globe report a growing consensus that having artificial intelligence ruling the land wouldn’t be such a bad idea. “I really think it’s for the best,” Mary Wilvin of…
Brave! Instead of feeling bad about getting older, this 50-something constantly shits on young people
As we get older and come to accept the limitations time eventually places on each of us, it can be tempting to become sad or even fatalistic about life. But some of us face the challenges of agin…
Neat! This virtual museum tour lets you wait in line 3 hours to see the Mona Lisa!
Thanks to the fantastic new virtual tour offered by Paris’s Louvre Museum, art lovers from around the world can enjoy the authentic, once-in-a-lifetime experience of waiting a really long time in…
CRA extends tax deadline citing meaninglessness of all money
OTTAWA — In the wake of the COVID-19 outbreak, the Canada Revenue Agency has extended the national tax filing deadline to June 1st, explaining that “honestly the idea of money is just something p…
Two-year-old’s backup teddy bear on thin fucking ice
WINNIPEG —- Reports have confirmed that Mr. Broccoli, a teddy bear who has for most of the afternoon been subbing in for two-year-old Eleanor McWilson’s favourite teddy bear, Pinky, is going to b…
Woman who has watched every Democratic debate cannot name MPP
TORONTO – After watching all 7 US Democratic debates, participating in numerous Twitter arguments regarding the primaries and listening to dozens of podcasts about the various factors that …
Folksy Joe Biden cheerfully greets supporter as two-bit secretary with no tits
CONCORD–During a campaign event for the upcoming New Hampshire Primary, former Vice President Joe Biden charmed a crowd by playfully addressing an attendee as a “two-bit secretary with no t…
Realtor has good feeling about couple that’s been complaining about housing prices for 35 minutes
TORONTO — Local realtor Ann Wilber is reportedly “getting some really good vibes” off of house hunting couple Shiela and Martin Rourke, who have been loudly decrying the unfairness of condo price…
BREAKING: Woman who has absorbed decades of unhinged misogynist vitriol does not like one guy
WASHINGTON D.C. — Following reports of Hillary Clinton’s strong criticisms of Bernie Sanders’ campaign and career, the nation has been staggered by the news that a woman who has endured 30 …
Trump starts trade war with Australia just to feel something
WASHINGTON D.C. -— President Donald Trump has reportedly initiated a trade war with Australia “Just so I can finally know I am truly alive.” Trump personally made the announcement of tariffs on A…