OTTAWA – Health Canada has released a study indicating that indoor restaurant dining, particularly in high COVID infection areas, substantially increases the likelihood of servers hocking a big f…
Trump vows to wow RNC audiences by crawling out of their televisions and strangling them
WASHINGTON, D.C. – On Night 4 of the 2020 Republican National Convention, President Donald Trump has promised viewers that he will win their votes once and for all by crawling out of their televi…
Fascinating! Scientists reconstruct what historical figures really looked like and they all look like Steve Buscemi
Ever read about a historical figure and think, gee, what did they actually look like? Well, scientists have gotten to work on creating accurate reconstructions of what some historical figures loo…
Career woman settles
WASHINGTON – Sources confirm that US Senator, former prosecutor and California Attorney General, and lifelong career gal Kamala Harris has finally decided to share her ticket with someone. “Sure,…
Disgusting: This woman says she misses brunch
Okay, this is going to be a tough read, so make sure you’re sitting down. Reports have confirmed that Toronto woman Katie Flenderson, who some are calling the absolute worst human being on the fa…
Humanity at point where it’s honestly fine with robots taking over
EVERYWHERE – Humans across the globe report a growing consensus that having artificial intelligence ruling the land wouldn’t be such a bad idea. “I really think it’s for the best,” Mary Wilvin of…
Brave! Instead of feeling bad about getting older, this 50-something constantly shits on young people
As we get older and come to accept the limitations time eventually places on each of us, it can be tempting to become sad or even fatalistic about life. But some of us face the challenges of agin…
Neat! This virtual museum tour lets you wait in line 3 hours to see the Mona Lisa!
Thanks to the fantastic new virtual tour offered by Paris’s Louvre Museum, art lovers from around the world can enjoy the authentic, once-in-a-lifetime experience of waiting a really long time in…
Editorial: I went to Trinity Bellwoods, but only because I miss urinating in bushes
By Annie Grunwil I, like hundreds of other Torontonians, made the mistake of going to Trinity Bellwoods Park this weekend, when it was far too crowded for attendees to maintain safe social distan…
CRA extends tax deadline citing meaninglessness of all money
OTTAWA — In the wake of the COVID-19 outbreak, the Canada Revenue Agency has extended the national tax filing deadline to June 1st, explaining that “honestly the idea of money is just something p…