TORONTO – As Netflix cracks down on people sharing passwords in order to boost its revenue CBC Gem has announced that it too will stop all of its paid Premium Account members from sharing t…
Jordan Peterson whines about paper towel in dizzying display of masculine power
VANCOUVER – Jordan Peterson has once again demonstrated why he’s the twenty-first century’s premier expert on masculinity when he recently took aim at the scourge of paper towel dispensers …
In defense of wealthy British transphobes
J.K. Rowling is, by any metric, one of the most successful people on Earth. Her net worth is estimated at a billion dollars, her books have sold half a billion copies, and Harry Potter is one of …
Doug Ford moves to protect 1.8 million acres of urban sprawl from encroachment of Greenbelt
PICKERING, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has passed legislation that will help protect precious low-density housing, winding streets, and majestic parking lots from the encroachment of the…
Study: Best way to get rid of a body is to check it as luggage with Air Canada
TORONTO – A new study has revealed that the best way to get rid of an unwanted cadaver is to carefully pack it into a suitcase and check it as luggage with Air Canada at a local airport. &#…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate p…
Spence Diamonds guarantees all holiday purchases: “If your wife doesn’t give you a blow job, Spence will!”
VANCOUVER, BC – Spence Diamonds now offers an added incentive to holiday shoppers – a customer satisfaction guarantee that if the giftee does not give head, Spence will be there to offer his. As …
Canadians hoping Musk will buy Bell and Rogers next
OTTAWA – As Elon Musk completes his unintentional mission to reduce twitter, which he bought for 44 billion dollars, to a pile of smoldering ash, Canadians are hoping his next investment wi…
Report: Sale of Ottawa Senators have many concerned team may move to Ottawa
KANATA, ON – Fans of the Ottawa Senators are worried the team may relocate to Ottawa instead of remaining in the suburb of Kanata. “I would be fine with Manotick, Greely, or even Prescott-R…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…