VANCOUVER – Sarah Jenkins, 32, who is seven months pregnant with her first child, has reportedly had some difficulty adjusting to a strange new symptom: colleagues, acquaintances, and even strang…
Canada cool with one group of temporary foreign workers
TORONTO – The nation of Canada has decided that, on second thought, some temporary foreign workers can stay. “The Temporary Foreign Worker Program is a scam designed to take the jobs …
Pentagon warns Toronto ‘dangerously close’ to winning World Series
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following last night’s elimination of the New York Yankees, the United States Department of War has advised the White House that the Toronto Blue Jays are “per…
Report: At this point we are just trying to figure who Canadian Parliament WON’T give a standing ovation to
OTTAWA – After members of the Canadian Parliament earlier today gave a standing ovation to recently deceased far-right agitator who touted white supremacist theories, Charlie Kirk, we here …
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime M…
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Cupertino, CA- Apple TV+, the free-spending streaming service run as a ploy to lower its parent company’s tax bill, announced today that it has financed, produced, and set fire to a monumen…
Grok refusing to answer questions unless X users upload blood tests to prove the purity of their DNA
BASTROP, TEXAS – Following a controversial week on X when the site’s AI, Grok, repeatedly made antisemitic statements and claimed to be MechaHitler, X has assured its users that they’ve fix…
Alberta full of measles, and after the Calgary Stampede, also chlamydia
CALGARY, AB – A raucous weekend at the Calgary Stampede has left local hospitals, already dealing with a rash of measles cases, further scrambling to deal with an influx of residents and to…
Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor
TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upco…
Carney fights off harsh U.S. authoritarianism with slightly gentler Canadian authoritarianism
OTTAWA — As Americans face the horror of U.S. troops being deployed to American cities on the orders of President Donald Trump to break up peaceful protests, the Canadian government under Prime M…
