VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia were found yammering incoherently after piercing the scientific veil and briefly seeing what lies beyond Beyond Meat. The scien…
Boeing unveils new jet that looks suspiciously like two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat
SEATTLE, WA – Boeing unveiled a new aircraft today that some analysts are concerned is actually just two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat. The embattled manufacturer has been under mounting pressu…
Anti-citrus parents believe “a touch of scurvy” leads to better outcomes in child pirates
SPANISH MAIN – Believing that a bout of scurvy during childhood can lead to a young swashbuckler who is stout of heart and strong of arm, some parents are aggressively touting the benefits …
Google admits to installing a phone into its latest personal information gathering device
Mountain View, CA – Google revealed in a press conference today that it has installed a telephone into its latest device for collecting personal information. The conglomerate denies any wro…
Vacationing couple disappointed to drive over Golden Gate bridge without getting hit by tidal wave, giant monster, space laser
SAN FRANCISCO – A couple from Vancouver were shocked after driving over the famous Golden Gate Bridge without being annihilated by a natural or supernatural disaster It had been an ordinary…
New privacy rules will require companies to store secret data in the deep ocean of a woman’s heart
OTTAWA – New privacy legislation going into effect this week will require companies to take steps to protect user data by storing it in the endless expanse of a woman’s heart. Recent …
Son finds dad’s stash of old hardcore police chase videos
VANCOUVER – Yesterday evening, twelve year old Dylan Kitchener got more than he bargained for while rummaging through his parent’s closet. The impressionable youth stumbled upon a car…
Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac predicts storm a-comin’, big one, too
ESSA — The Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac unveiled their prediction today that a big ol’ storm was liable to be coming into town. The long-running publication, edited by Gerald &…
Tech company unveils universal charging cable that won’t fit any device
PALO ALTO — An exciting new product was revealed today that its creator claims will change the world by bringing people together “in global frustration.” “Finally we have …
Ruling against Trans Mountain protects Pacific coal tankers from oilsands tankers
VANCOUVER — The landmark ruling against the Trans Mountain Pipeline expansion was heralded as a win for BCs massive pod of coal tankers and the people who love them. “Today we can res…