QUEBEC CITY – All circumcised men in positions of authority within the province of Quebec are now legally compelled to wear an artificial foreskin cover in the workplace. An overlooked regulatio...
Meet the Air Canada passenger left on the same plane for the past 15 years
TORONTO – He’s been reported missing by his family since 2004, but Kurt Sampson is alive and well, and still trapped on the same Air Canada flight he boarded to Calgary. The now-bearded telecomm...
Report: Ford gov actually shut down to avoid mockery from new episodes of Beaverton tv show
TORONTO – Sources within the Ford administration revealed today that the real reason the government took a sudden, extremely lengthy summer hiatus was to avoid being made of fun by the new episo...
Malnourished toddler relieved to hear he’s not technically in a concentration camp
CLINT, TEXAS — After having been separated from his parents and forced to sleep on a concrete floor with thousands of other migrant children, 2 year old migrant Filipe Diaz was relieved to hear ...
Advancement in field of weighted blankets allows covers to choke you slightly, call you daddy
WATERLOO, ON – At a press conference held last Thursday, weighted blanket startup Consensual Crushing announced its new line of adult bedspreads featuring the ability to choke users while engagi...
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
GRAVENHURST, ON – Local Dad Emil Johnston, 39, demonstrated substantial knowledge of the alien robots known as Transformers at a Toys R Us yesterday, and the response of his two children was a c...
Scheer and Trudeau denounce new crop of deepfakes that show them taking the climate crisis seriously
OTTAWA – The leaders of the two most powerful political parties in Canada are both sounding the alarm over what they consider to be a disturbing new trend, the creation of manipulated videos tha...
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
MONTREAL — In an attempt to entice an offer for the Montreal Alouettes, of which the Canadian Football League has recently taken ownership and has been struggling to find a potential buyer, the ...
Doug Ford to spend 5 month vacation criticizing teachers for their 3 month vacation
MUSKOKA, ON — After shuffling his cabinet and adjourning the provincial legislature, premier Doug Ford announced plans to spend his 5 month break criticizing the 3 month summer break that Ontari...
Scientists confirm cool teenagers can smell your fear
KINGSTON, ON – A team of scientists at Queen’s University issued a press release yesterday stating that after a harrowing study, they have officially concluded that cool teenagers can smell when you’r...
