CLINT, TEXAS — After having been separated from his parents and forced to sleep on a concrete floor with thousands of other migrant children, 2 year old migrant Filipe Diaz was relieved to hear that the detention facility he is in does not qualify as a “concentration camp”.
“That’s good,” responded the 26-month-old upon hearing that the cramped chain link enclosure where he and other migrants have been rounded up without charge is semantically different than a Nazi camp. The toddler then went back to sitting still while a nearby 8-year-old attempted to check his hair for lice.
Cliff Jergens, an ICE agent guarding the facility, clarified to a crying 3-year-old, “This is nothing like the Holocaust. If the American government were ignoring international law that mandates safe and sanitary conditions for child detainees, that would be horrible. But since 6 million people haven’t been exterminated, then obviously it must be different and therefore fine.”
“See, this tiny girl can barely speak Spanish, let alone English, and even she agrees these aren’t concentration camps,” Jergens added.
Throughout the Clint Detention Facility, hundreds of toddlers and children agreed that the Trump Administration’s aggressive ramping up of border detainment for legal asylum seekers would be cause for alarm, but only if they were actually being held in a building called a concentration camp.
As ICE agents prepared various crying and unwashed toddlers to represent themselves at their immigration hearings, Jergens responded to Democrat Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. “The children in this facility understand that when Hitler’s Nazis targeted marginalized groups and forced them into overcrowded facilities, those camps were a long time ago, in the olden days. It’s a huge difference, and when you think about it, isn’t Ocasio Cortez the one acting a bit more like a Nazi?”
ICE agent Tyler Griffiths also had harsh words for people describing the facilities as concentration camps. “That is just alarmist rhetoric. And who’s better to make that judegement – a person running the Holocaust Memorial Museum, or me, a person locking children into cages?”
At press time, President Trump had tweeted about how banning certain far right figures meant that Twitter had “COMPLETELY turned into a concentration camp”.