OTTAWA – In a controversial decision, the Canadian Plants Council has reclassified beans, from Magical Fruit to common legume. “We all know the saying,” said Monica Lee, the President of th…
Canadians sweep Junos
CANADA – In a stunning show of national dominance, all the Junos awarded at the 50th annual Juno awards were awarded to Canadians. “I think this really shows how far Canadian music has come…
Local toddler tall enough to reach the sink, can finally do Lady MacBeth scene
PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself…
Old computer has no idea it’s being used to shop for new computer
KAMLOOPS, BC – Trevor Adams’ 2010 Macbook Pro is completely oblivious to the fact that, despite years of loyal service, it is currently aiding Adams’ to find its replacement. “I do fe…
Turns out this beautiful butterfly was friends with Jeffrey Epstein
POINT PELEE, ON – From Bill Gates to Prince Andrew to Bill Clinton, the image of many famous and powerful men has been tainted by their association with Jeffrey Epstein. But perhaps the mos…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…
Canada’s Wonderland offers $20 souvenir photos of you getting your vaccine
VAUGHAN – Canada’s Wonderland, which is closed to the public but has been operating as a drive-thru vaccination clinic since March, has announced it is now offering souvenir photos in a lit…
Local mother and father play a rousing round of Who is the Tiredest?
MONCTON – After growing weary of their regular routine of parenting of three young children, Tony Garcia and Emma Weston managed to bring excitement and joie-de-vivre back into their lives …
Some of Mario’s friends still haven’t forgiven Donkey Kong for the barrel throwing years
DONKEY KONG ISLAND – Despite a storied decades-long career as one of the most popular and iconic characters in the Nintendo universe, Donkey Kong is still regarded with suspicion by some of…
Blue Jays use money saved by removing radio broadcast to do nothing
TORONTO – As Opening Day approaches, Toronto Blue Jays fans are outraged that Rogers will no longer be offering a distinct Blue Jays radio broadcast and will instead be replacing it with a …