TORONTO – A 63-year-old culture critic of political correctness broke down in tears after being called a ‘boomer.’ Bill Klassen, a retired car dealership manager was giving a lecture on how late...
Meet Tilda Swinton’s sister, Close Bracket Swinton
DUNS, SCOTLAND – After years of living in her sister’s shadow, Tilda Swinton’s younger sister, Close Bracket Swinton, is ready to take the acting world by storm by producing, directing and starr...
Pizza Pizza phases out pizza for 100% crusts
TORONTO – Pizza Pizza Ltd has announced that it will no longer be serving traditional pizzas, instead opting for what it is known best known for: crusts. “Instead of the traditional 75% dough re...
Premier says only Quebecers entitled to service in English are descendants of Irish Orphans from that Heritage Minute
QUEBEC CITY – Francois Legault has declared that, moving forward, the only people in Quebec who will be able to obtain government services in English will be ones who can prove they are a direct...
I saw 20 minutes of Iron Man 2 and I’ve thrown up every day since – By Martin Scorsese
Much has been made of my comments regarding Marvel movies and what I believe should be their place in cinematic history, so I’d like to clarify for the record: I have not stopped vomiting since the fa...
Local man convinces self he’s having good time at back of concert
TORONTO – A local man standing alone at the back of a rap concert at the Rebel Entertainment Complex assures himself that he is having a good time, maybe even better than those at the front. “Honestly...
Elizabeth May on resignation: ‘I just want to eat meat again’
OTTAWA – Elizabeth May announced yesterday that she will be stepping down as Green Party leader effective immediately so she can finally sink her teeth into a rare t-bone steak. May, who has bee...
“You’ll see! One day I’ll be the biggest dancer on Broadway!” sobs Sean Spicer to disapproving dad
EAST BAY, RI — Following his surprisingly successful performances on ABC’s Dancing with the stars, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s blossoming career in show business collided with his...
“See how easy that was?” says May to Scheer after quitting
OTTAWA – Shortly after resigning as leader of the Green Party this morning Elizabeth May called current Conservative leader Andrew Scheer to tell him it wasn’t all that hard. “You don’t have to ...
QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?
The passing of early dawn to high noon followed by brief dusk lasts but a mere second in November. The world is cloaked in miserable grey nothingness day after day, only to be broken up by endless nig...
