OTTAWA – In the wake of disappointing election results many political insiders believe Andrew Scheer is on his way out as leader of the Conservative Party. But advisors to Scheer claim these dou...
OC Transpo bus brought out of retirement ‘getting too old for this shit’
OTTAWA – Remarking with a heavy sigh, an aging OC Transpo bus that was called up from an impending retirement due to the LRT’s failings is “getting too old for this shit.” For 27 years, the arti...
Dental hygienist slides into patient’s DMs to ask if he’s flossing
CORNER BROOK, NL – Local resident Irving O’Grady received a direct message from his dental hygienist on Instagram late yesterday evening asking to verify if he was maintaining a twice-dail...
Alberta to be represented in Liberal cabinet by empty cowboy hat
OTTAWA – With no MPs from either Alberta or Saskatchewan, sources indicate that Western Canada will be represented in the Trudeau cabinet by an empty Calgary White Hat. The 10-gallon hat, first ...
Kidnappers arrested for taking the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, David Watts and Reggie Gormley were arrested and jailed after abducting 25-year-old Kaylyn Wilkins from her farm the night before and bringing her into the city. Their t...
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating thin...
Creepy backwoods gas station attendant concerned teens aren’t taking his warnings seriously
KAMLOOPS, BC – Gas station worker Martin Kowalski, who has often been described as “creepy and probably murderous” by locals, has been growing concerned lately that teenagers passing through aren’t pa...
Trick-or-Treaters expect at least full size chocolate bar from $2 million home
PELHAM, ON – Local trick-or-treaters are expecting a big payout from a recently constructed $2 million home in a well-off neighbourhood with a minimum expectation of a full size chocolate bar. “...
Province with the lowest high school graduation rate in North America demands immigrant with PhD take values test
MONTREAL – The government that is responsible for a high school graduation rate of just 64% has announced that it will force Ibrahim Khan, an accomplished biomedical scientist, and tens of thous...
Five horror-movie locations that will make you want to redecorate your sex dungeon
It’s Halloween season again and we all know that what that means: horror movie marathons, delicious fun sized candy, and having to switch to your indoor sex swing. But bingeing on your favourite blood...
