Oakville, ON — While she’s sure you’d be in touch if anything was wrong, your mum just called to check you don’t have coronavirus. “I’ve heard it’s been going around and I wanted to be sure,” she said...
Bell CEO’s mental health dramatically improves after millions of dollars of free advertising
TORONTO – Bell Canada Enterprises CEO Mirko Bibic’s mental health improved substantially after seeing the millions of dollars generated from #BellLetsTalk, a free advertising campaign. “I ...
Kale reveals the real superfoods are the ones that go out every day and do their jobs
TORONTO – On the eve of being named Superfood of the Year, Kale revealed in an exclusive interview that the real superfoods are the ones who get out there every day and do their jobs. “I’m no hero. Yo...
Report: Outbreak of idiocy spreading 10,000 times faster than coronavirus
TORONTO – Public health officials in Toronto have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed fuckwit as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spread ac...
Senate enters swimsuit competition portion of Trump impeachment trial
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the legal submissions of both the Democrats and Republicans as to whether President Trump should be removed from office, the impeachment trial is now set to move on to the ...
Nation’s serial killers offended by how sexualized they are in film and television
LONDON, ON – Recently, several of the nation’s most prolific serial killers have come forward to protest the way they are over-sexualized in the media. “It seems people would rather drool ...
“There’s no money in the arts,” scoffs man who just paid $1,000 for Hamilton tickets
TORONTO – Jon Hudson, a financial district lawyer, was overheard yesterday at a restaurant commenting on how the arts weren’t a worthwhile pursuit because they weren’t profitable. He quickly followed ...
Andrew Scheer’s dry January fails after slamming gallon of 2%
OTTAWA – A nearly successful dry January ended in disaster, and extreme gastrointestinal discomfort, this past weekend when opposition leader Andrew Scheer decimated a gallon of 2% milk in a min...
Here’s some sensational, unconfirmed stories about coronavirus because we really need the website traffic
Competing with the Sun chain of newspapers can be hard, so here are some unconfirmed, sensationalized, and flat-out wrong stories that we’ve either heard or fabricated ourselves. We know you’ve done y...
Man worried about coronavirus still hasn’t gotten flu shot
TORONTO – Seth Radcliffe, who has not had a flu vaccine in the last five years, wants to know exactly what the governments of the world and the UN are doing to protect him from the new coronavir...
