MENLO PARK, CA – After disappointing results in the latest quarter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg sent out a notice to his workforce that the company is expelling 11,000 employees from corporeal…
Anjali Appadurai disqualified from BC NDP leadership race for flagrantly motivating electorate
VICTORIA – B.C. NDP leadership candidate Anjali Appadurai has been disqualified from the race to replace John Horgan after the party executive found she violated policy by brazenly motivati…
Twitter bursts into flames and rams pedestrians immediately after Musk buy
SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestr…
J.K Rowling reveals Voldemort was still bad but right about trans people
LONDON – The author of the beloved Harry Potter series J.K Rowling tweeted today that, while Voldemort was absolutely a villain, his views on trans people were largely correct. The tweet wa…
Microwave vs Air Fryer: Which reheats sex toys better?
Listen, we all know the struggle. You’ve had a long day, and all you want is just to reheat something hot to fill you up inside for tonight. It used to be simple! Pop it in the microwave and acce…
Renaissance fair cancelled due to supply chain mail issues
HALIFAX – After months of ye olde stocking issues, Halifax Annual Renaissance Faireth has proclaimed the event will be cancelled due to insurmountable supply chain mail issues. The yearly g…
Kyle Rittenhouse verdict celebrated by future Kyle Rittenhouses
KENOSHA, WIS – Kyle Rittenhouse, the defendant who was 17-years-old in 2020 when he crossed state lines with a rifle and shot three people, killing two, was found not guilty on all charges …
Sean Chu thought City Council would be cool about sexual assault like former precinct
CALGARY- After announcing he would not be stepping down as Ward 4 Councilor amid protests over his 1997 sexual assault of a minor, Sean Chu said he is deeply disappointed that his current coworke…
Doug Ford clarifies he just meant that non-white immigrants didn’t work hard enough
QUEEN’S PARK – After coming under fire for remarks that immigrants who “collect the dole and sit around” should “go somewhere else,” Ontario Premier Doug Ford clarified that he only m…
Five tips for growing tulips powerful enough to destroy Dutch economy
It seems with the tough year we’ve all been having, everyone’s been getting the green thumb. Plants and flowers galore! So we’ve compiled the five most crucial tips for growing tulips! In fact, w…