COBURG, ON – With the end of Tim Hortons Smile Cookie Week approaching, one cookie in particular cried out for the sweet release of death after being drawn quickly by an employee during the…
Food
Study: indoor dining significantly increases risk of servers spitting in your food
OTTAWA – Health Canada has released a study indicating that indoor restaurant dining, particularly in high COVID infection areas, substantially increases the likelihood of servers hocking a big f…
Impatient sous chef pre shakes water for it to boil faster
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Local sous chef, Darryl Donwyn, recently shook a pot of water to make it boil faster at restaurant Le Lentement. “He still has a lot to learn,” said head chef Saffron Me…
Kisko unveils new lambskin freezie that won’t cut your mouth when you suck it dry
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Kisko announced a bold new change to its popular Mr. Freeze freezies that will see the plastic sheath replaced with lambskin to protect customers’ mouths when they gr…
Report: Clamato still disgusting, delicious
CALGARY – After conducting an exhaustive longitudinal study of scientific research done over the last 60 years, scientists at the University of Calgary have officially confirmed that Clamat…
Vancouver patios install scarecrows to ward off young people
VANCOUVER – Due to the recent spike in Covid-19 cases among people under 40, Vancouver restaurants have resorted to installing scarecrows on their patios in hopes that it will deter the hoa…
In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken
TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…
Local man eats ghost pepper as excuse to finally cry around his friends
Hamilton, ON – Twenty-six year old Julian Tormeida was recently spotted on an endorphin fueled rush as he finally cried in front of his childhood friends due to the assistance of cleverly p…
Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products
EDMONTON – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are despe…
Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products
TORONTO – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are desper…