Food Archives - The Beaverton

Taco Bell introduces Cheesy Gordita Trough

Irvine, CA – Building on some of their most popular menu items and the basest instincts of their customers, Taco Bell unveiled their newest menu item, the Cheesy Gordita Trough. “We took th…

New York cheesecake retires to Florida

NEW YORK – After a celebrated run of 76 years as the king of desserts in the Big Apple, New York Cheesecake has announced today his retirement to the sunny beaches of Florida. “What can I s…

KitchenAid’s new abduction oven rapidly cooks, steals your meal

BENTON HARBOUR, MI – Appliance manufacturer KitchenAid has complemented its lineup of induction and convection products with a state-of-the-art abduction oven that briskly prepares and then kidna…

Hip server sits down while taking order

MONTREAL – Displaying an impressive level of disdain for the traditional role divisions between “customer” and “server,” brunch waiter Luc Petitclerc sat down in the one empty chair left by…

A&W Canada to replace plastic straws with organic 100% beef tubes

OTTAWA – In an effort to reduce petroleum waste, A&W Canada will phase out plastic straws by 2019, replacing them with grain-fed beef tubes. “A&W has long been an innovator in dri…

New trending diet aims to make you a dinner party nightmare

TORONTO – As a result of the skyrocketing popularity of the “Ooo I can’t have that” diet, Canadians all over the country are making healthier decisions and ultimately becoming catering nightmares…

Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something

OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…

Latte artist moves into expressionist period

TORONTO – Veteran latte artist Joseph Romano, who has become infamous for his striking works such as “Heart” and “Flower, If You Kinda Squint Your Eyes,” has made a shift in genre fro…