Toronto ON —Gary Packett, 35, has already achieved his weight loss goal of losing 100 pounds, thanks to his revolutionary new diet consisting entirely of raw milk, raw chicken, and a healthy dos…
Food
Man living off-grid on deserted island still somehow received HelloFresh invite
UNKNOWN – For the past year, Kevin Orson had been living anonymously on a deserted island, free of modern annoyances like social media, junk mail, and people. But his world was turned upsid…
Tim Hortons to release names of everyone who failed Roll Up the Rim skill testing question
Toronto, ON – Coffee lovers, rejoice! Roll Up the Rim to Win is back… with a twist. This year, Tim Hortons will publicly shame all customers who incorrectly answer the skill-testing question on t…
Bulk Barn announces that all snackers will be shot on sight
AURORA — In a bold move that many are calling excessive and illegal, Bulk Barn has announced a new nationwide policy that all customers caught snacking in-store will be shot on sight. The announ…
Injured ham sandwich rushed to Mayo Clinic
ROCHESTER, MN — Reports are coming in that a ham and cheese sandwich suffered a grievous injury in its internal ingredients, necessitating medical evacuation to the Mayo Clinic. “This is about as…
Canadian takes full five seconds to translate “doughnut hole” to “Timbit”
ANN ARBOR, MI ― Kitchener native Tobias Sanders took a solid five seconds today to work out the meaning of his American friend Cory Easton’s invitation to “grab some doughnut holes” at a local sh…
Most popular Thanksgiving Sides in every Province
Thanksgiving is here. A time for families to come together, make lasting memories and try to remember what this Holiday is technically supposed to be honouring. But mostly we eat. Usually Turkey …
New voluntary code of conduct ensures Canada’s grocers are finally answerable to Canada’s grocers
OTTAWA – All of Canada’s major grocery retailers have agreed to sign on to a voluntary code of conduct that will ensure any retailer who breaks the code will have to answer to themselves. “…
Critics praise “The Last Timbit” as the most edible product Tim Hortons has to offer
TORONTO, ON ― Describing it as “not entirely tasteless” and “at least as relevant to Tim Hortons as pizza, clothing, credit cards, or the spaceships they will probably announce soon,” reviewers o…
New Tim Hortons pizza made with 100% Canadian cardboard
OAKVILLE, ON – Heralding its new offerings as the culmination of nine years of intense laboratory research, Tim Hortons president Axel Schwan proudly announced that the franchise’s new line…
