Report: Nothing accomplished in Zoom meetings as everyone distracted checking themselves out

TORONTO, ONT. –  According to a new report published in Business Quarterly magazine, a significant majority of Canadian workplaces confirm that Zoom meetings are increasingly unproductive a…

Justice Department decides doing a crime that you did doesn’t mean you did the crime that you definitely did

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Department of Justice has withdrawn charges against Donald Trump’s former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. DOJ prosecutors had previously …

Local man tries to think of chill excuse to buy erotic books at yard sale

WINNIPEG – This week, local bargain-hunter Darryl Smith failed to come up with a convincing excuse to buy several volumes of erotic literature at a garage sale. Expecting to find an old cop…

Recently fired man sadly leaves home office

VICTORIA, BC – Following his termination from his project manager job at which he has been working remotely, local man Corey Nielson is reportedly beginning the joyless task of clearing the…

Corporations accused of price gouging Northern Communities during the pandemic and also a long time before the pandemic

WHITEHORSE – In the midst of heightened demand during the pandemic some corporations have come under fire for artificially increasing prices, a practice which many spent years perfecting in…

Desperate TSN programmer just gonna start airing his high school hockey games

TORONTO – James Brennan, head of programming for TSN, is so desperate for some kind of sport to show the nation that he is just going to start playing full games of his high school hockey t…

Toronto vows to continue gentrification with or without the help of Sidewalk Labs

TORONTO – Citing economic uncertainty, Google affiliate company Sidewalk Labs announced that it is abandoning plans to build a high-tech neighbourhood on the city’s waterfront. However, the…

But if you take away my assault weapons, I’m just a regular man with hundreds of small guns

By Bobby Stonehouse Not-my-Prime-Minister Justin Trudeau announced last week that Canada would be banning assault weapons, and I, for one, am P’d the F OFF. By doing this, JUSTIN has robbed me of…

Housemate sure picked hell of a time to get back into Ska

SUDBURY — Amidst a global pandemic and strict social distancing rules that require Canadians to stay at home unless absolutely necessary, local housemate Mark Thomson has sure picked a hell of a …

Man discerns passage of time with ripeness of bananas

LIVING ROOM – As Canada enters its third month of mandatory self isolation, local man, Max Easton, has abandoned all traditional concepts of time and has decided to discern his days using t…