TORONTO – Following a Toronto Public Health advisory stating that an employee at the Brass Rail strip club tested positive for COVID-19, 550 men have informed their wives that they have been thinking a lot about the importance of a robust testing strategy to combat the pandemic, and how maybe it might be worth it to go get tested “just because”.
“I know I always said I didn’t want anything inserted that far up inside my body,” stated local husband Noel Deakin told his wife Cheryl in reference to the nasal swab used to test for the coronavirus. “I’ve just really had some time for my stance to evolve on this issue, and now I think it’s probably a good idea.”
“No, you don’t need to come with me!” he added.
While many Toronto husbands struggled to find the right way to explain their sudden interest in learning their COVID-19 status, a large percentage of this group already had plenty of experience justifying other kinds of rapid walk-in clinic tests.
“I can’t believe that my job is making me go to the clinic AGAIN!” announced local financial advisor Paul Howland in a loud performative voice. His job does not currently require him to leave the house, interact with other people or undergo any kind of medical tests. “After all the long nights I’ve been putting in at the office lately, now they’re demanding THIS?” he exclaimed. “The things I do to support this family!”
In response to these local husbands’ sudden plans to go and get tested, many of their wives announced that they happened to have scheduled a visit from the repairman at the exact same time that their husbands would be out, “just by coincidence.”