Schools complain student climate strikes affecting their ability to teach kids apathy
CALGARY – As millions of youths all over the world strike to demand action on the climate crisis, schools are concerned that the outpouring of activism is undoing all the work they’ve put i…
Starving Canadians from 2050 wished the 2019 election was about the climate crisis
RUINS OF TORONTO – A group of starving Canadians from the year 2050 lamented on the ill-fated 2019 election, the last chance the country had to save itself and the world from a climate chan…
Other parties race to reveal horrific histories of own candidates while media focused on Trudeau scandal
OTTAWA – The Greens, Conservatives and NDP are taking advantage of the media storm surrounding Justin Trudeau’s blackface and brownface scandal to release all of the skeletons from th…
Shocking brownface photos indicate wealthy man raised in privilege might suck
Wait, you’re saying Justin Trudeau might… suck?…
Trudeau’s popularity skyrockets in Quebec after revelation of brownface photos
QUEBEC – An Angus Reid poll has indicated that Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau has never been more popular in the province of Quebec since a 2001 high school yearbook revealed the then-teache…
Liberals fail to vet Montreal candidate
MONTREAL – The Liberal Party of Canada will be reviewing its vetting process after images of a candidate wearing brownface were revealed by Time Magazine. Justin Trudeau, an up-and-coming h…
Local man recounts incredible tale of discovering new podcast
HALIFAX – After surviving almost an entire week with nothing more than a three hour interview of Pete Holmes on The Joe Rogan Experience, humble office manager Dale Eckerd miraculously loca…
Green Party asks plane they’re flying on to remove left, right wings to adhere to party’s message
MONTREAL – Flights were delayed at Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport after Green Party Leader Elizabeth May insisted the Air Canada flight she was travelling on remove both left and right wings…
Couple give dignified human name to puppy, name baby something fucking weird
ABBOTSFORD, BC – Proud local couple Vincent and Christina Hull recently revealed on social media the name of their new puppy, Jessica, as well as the name of their newborn daughter, Champyo…
Election throwback: Pierre Trudeau appoints football Robert Stanfield fumbled to Senate
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. July 10th, 1974 OTTAWA – The football that foiled any chance of Prog…
