WASHINGTON, DC – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer have responded to President Donald Trump’s explicit threat to the US postal service by writing him a scathing letter which they sent to the president using the service he will dismantle before the letter can reach him.
“The letter is even addressed to ‘Dangerous Donald,’ that’s how much we disagree with the president’s plan to kill our country’s mail system,” Speaker Pelosi said in a press conference to announce the existence of the letter. “And if, by some miracle, he gets the letter, and if one of his aides is brave enough to read it to him, and if he’s actually listening and not distracted by a shiny object or buxom lady when the aide reads it to him, our anger will come through loud and clear.”
Trump, who is continuing a long Republican tradition of trying to eradicate the USPS, acknowledged yesterday that he is intentionally blocking funding to the popular service in order to make it harder for Americans to vote by mail. He has also appointed a postmaster general, Louis DeJoy, who is sabotaging the service from within by causing massive delays through targeted mismanagement. The Democratic leaders have voiced their displeasure at DeJoy’s appointment and job performance on page two of the letter which DeJoy’s efforts will ensure never reaches its destination.
“We explain to the president in the letter that we know why he appointed someone who is invested heavily in private competitors to the post office and has a financial motive to destroy this public service, and that he won’t get away with it.” Schumer then added, “He won’t get away with it in a moral sense, because obviously he will get away with it in a legal sense.”
While there are several elected Democratic who have expressed a desire to use all of their legislative powers to attempt to stop Trump or to at least bring more attention to his planned annihilation of the post office, the leadership of the Democratic Party is content to contain their outrage in the letter that the postal service’s tracing software has already lost track of.
When asked to explain the point of a letter Trump will likely never see because he’s razing the US mail service to the ground, Pelosi winked and said, “we use red ink to symbolize blood. And, this is the part that I’m most proud of, we end it without saying ‘Best Regards.’”
Joe Biden, the Democratic Nominee for president, weighed in on the controversy by vowing that when he is president, he will work with the Republicans to decimate the postal service in a more bipartisan way, “like the old days.”