Trump demands release of Michigan terrorists so they can vote for him
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump is demanding the release of 13 members of a terrorist militia that plotted to kidnap Michigan’s Governor calling their arrest an act of voter suppress…
Facebook adds new relationship option: “We’re fucking because they’re in my bubble”
Surrey, BC – Facebook has released a new relationship option for users who are fucking because they’re in each other’s bubbles. “It’s great,” said Mark Sanchez, who’s been sleeping with his…
Mom’s anecdote of running into Barb transformed into twelve volume saga
KITCHENER, ON – In a developing story, local mom and master orator Ruth Baxter, 57, has miraculously transformed her anecdote of running into Barb, a woman her family has only a passing fam…
Alberta announces plan to grow VHS industry
EDMONTON – Alberta’s UCP government has announced a sweeping plan to increase the size of Alberta’s VHS industry in an attempt to give the ailing province a much needed economic boost. “For…
Most gorgeous woman you’ve ever met dating local potato
Burnaby, BC – Local residents were shocked and confused to learn that 27-year old Rachel Besimille, a woman so gorgeous that she has caused many to re-evaluate the 1-10 rating scale entirel…
Rent luckily winding down the same time as CERB
OTTAWA – With millions still out of work due to the global pandemic, the federal government is stopping the $2000 Canadian Emergency Response Benefit after learning that rent would also be …
Entire world stocking up on celebration champagne “for no reason, just in case”
EARTH – Across the globe sales of champagne, a beverage commonly associated with celebrating good news, have spiked, with customers insisting it’s “not for any particular occasion” while si…
Premier Ford still not convinced flames shooting from neighbour’s house is sufficient evidence to call fire department
TORONTO – Despite heavy smoke and his neighbour screaming “my house is on fire,” Ontario Premier Doug Ford is not ready to call in the fire department. With flames shooting out of the attic…
“I don’t like him, but I gotta say Ford has risen to the occasion” says man to his dead grandmother
TORONTO – While he did not vote for Doug Ford, local man Daniel Waite has confided that he is pretty impressed with his handling of the COVID crisis to the body of his dead grandmother, who…
