Montreal – Following backlash after cancelling holiday gatherings, Quebec Premier Francois Legault suggested that Quebecers could see friends and relatives if they swear to only kiss them on a single cheek.
“We understand it is difficult for Quebecers to forgo expressing themselves passionately, as it allows us to feel superior to the rest of Canada… but this seems a reasonable compromise that will keep people from being mad at me,” Legault said.
Pure Laine Québécois man Jean-Denis Ouellette Biron had this to say about the newly refined restrictions: “J’vais pas éviter le contact physique avec ma famille comme un osti d’anglophone. J’embrasse ma grand-mère au temps des fêtes tabarnak,” While the statement defies translation, we assume it is in favour of the change.
The new restricted guidelines for celebrations include further suggestions like mouthing lyrics to traditional call and response songs, mumbling toasts, and for those dressed as Santa to wear two fake beards.
Legault had this to say to those who believe that he should return to enforcing a holiday lockdown:
“For many families, this Christmas may be the last time they ever are required to get uncomfortably close to their Ma Tantes who smell of wine and strong perfume, and for we men to make tasteless jokes about almost kissing one another and then pulling away. If I give them this, people will not blame me anymore.”
The premier ended his address by claiming he was not worried for Quebecers safety, as they are accustomed to navigating dangerous and irresponsible behaviour, citing the widespread availability of Labatt 10.1 as precedent.