Desperate Trump demands recount in New Brunswick - The Beaverton
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Desperate Trump demands recount in New Brunswick

MONCTON, NB – Following unsuccessful recounts in Wisconsin and Georgia, along with mounting court challenges, is now demanding a recount in the Canadian maritime province of .

“We have an excellent base there, excellent, without a doubt, we won New Brunswick,” stated Trump at a recent press conference, despite being told numerous times, by the press and members of his own team that New Brunswick “is not and has never been part of the United States.”

“Excluding New Brunswick is just another part of the Dem’s plan to steal this election from me,” Trump stated, doubling down on his inclusion of the very Canadian province.

The president has historically struggled with geography, believing Belgium to be a city, and often confusing Iran and Iraq but he has, for the most part, maintained a solid understanding of the 50 states. That is, until now.

Canadian election officials, including NB premier Blaine Higgs, have continued to deny claims of New Brunswick’s attachment to the . However the president remains adamant, tweeting, “KEY BATTLEGROUND STATE NEW BRUNSWICK IS RED #StopTheSteal.”

New Brunswickers, however, have proven unsurprisingly alarmed. One resident, Janice Murphy, noted, “we just had our provincial general election on September 14th so my first thought was that Trump was maybe developing an interest in Canadian maritime politics? This province went blue so maybe he’s just taking it upon himself to pursue election fraud in any ‘blue’ districts on a global scale.”

“I dunno, that’s all I got,” added Murphy.

Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has taken it upon herself to hold numerous press conferences across the province to an audience of confused NB residents. “The evidence of cheating and corruption here is rampant, undemocratic, and fraudulent!” screamed McEnany into the silence of a vacant Hyatt parking lot in Fredericton.

As the Trump Campaign’s election litigation continues to amass, recent reports indicate that Trump is now also looking to pursue recounts in various parts of Middle Earth.