BURBANK, CA – In the wake of Warner Bros.’ announcement that they will release their entire lineup of 2021 films in theatres and on HBOMax simultaneously, several industry players have come out in opposition to the controversial decision. Chief among them is director Christopher Nolan, who did not hold back when asked for his response.
“Movies are supposed to be a shared experience,” Nolan shared in a statement. “Anyone who’s ever seen a film in theatres knows that the loss of that backdrop irrevocably changes something about the cinematic product. There is a magic in the dim lights, the giant screen, and the uncomfortable seat on which no fewer than four hymens were broken.”
The Prestige director continued, “If I want the dialogue of my films to be only half-audible over the heavy breathing of two horndogs in the back row, that’s my prerogative.”
Nolan’s comments have been met with agreement from cinephiles across the world. Sixteen-year-old Daniel Wheeler, president of his high school film club, shared his disappointment. “I was really hoping to at least get to second base with my girlfriend this year,” Wheeler wrote via email. “There’s no better place to do that than a pitch-black auditorium. Take that environment away and I just don’t know when I’ll have another opportunity.”
Joining Wheeler and Nolan in their displeasure are other heavy hitters in the film industry like directors James Gunn and Denis Villeneuve. All parties insist that, without a traditional theatrical opening for a film, a viewer loses so much more than the knowledge that a mere thin piece of fabric separates them from the dried pre-cum of an eleventh grader.
Villeneuve may have said it best when asked for comment while doing PR for the upcoming Dune: “How are viewers at home supposed to recreate the dull sensation of the kid behind them kicking their backrest for the film’s entire running time? Or the scritch of one’s shoes peeling off the soda-stained floor? If we turn our backs on theatres, we turn our backs on history – like the groundbreaking day in 2013 when Jeremiah McDonald, 18, received two blow-jobs during one screening of Fast and Furious 6.”
There is speculation that Warner Bros. made their decision in large part due to the lackluster box-office return of Nolan’s Tenet, released theatrically in the summer of 2020. Nolan declined to comment on this area of questioning, simply stating that the film was “ahead of its time.” Multiple sources report Nolan’s next film revolves around how Tenet ended up breaking box-office records four years in the future.