NATIONWIDE — Following a cyber attack that left the Indigo website inaccessible, book lovers across the country have been forced to turn to the many, many books they already own. “I’m at such a l…
Books
Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families
LOS ANGELES – Speaking at a launch event for his new memoir “Spare”, Prince Harry of the United Kingdom communicated his desire that the book will be used as a tool for regular people dealing wit…
Local man figures he’ll wait until the next internet outage to read a book
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – As internet service returns to hundreds of Rogers customers nationwide, local copywriter Jack Pally’s plan to enjoy literature has been postponed yet again until the nex…
Little free library just dumping ground for self-help books that failed to save marriages
CALGARY – A local woman perusing her community’s little free library is disappointed that she can only find weathered self-help books that couldn’t get the job done. “I was hoping to discover a c…
J.K Rowling reveals Voldemort was still bad but right about trans people
LONDON – The author of the beloved Harry Potter series J.K Rowling tweeted today that, while Voldemort was absolutely a villain, his views on trans people were largely correct. The tweet wa…
“Whoa, it’s the best of times?” says dude about to have his shit rocked by Charles Dickens
CALGARY – Sources at the Central Library have reported that Bryce Spooner, who said “Hell yeah, let the good times roll, baby!” when he began A Tale of Two Cities, is about to get his fucking tee…
“I’m just happy to be here” says thick book propping up laptop
MOOSE JAW, SK – As more people work remotely than ever before, there are millions of thick books happily propping up their laptops. On the Origin of Species, the foundational book of the fi…
“This is so Kafkaesque,” says man with penis stuck in watermelon
AIRDRIE, AB – In a harrowing ordeal that serves as a trenchant insight into the alienation fundamental to the human condition, Charles Sharp’s wing wang is currently jammed in a 23 pound watermel…
J.K. Rowling’s new book imagines a fantasy world where she is right about trans people
EDINBURGH, UK – Author J.K. Rowling, who has previously dreamt up a world of wizards and magic in the Harry Potter series, has stretched the bounds of imagination in order to conjure up a n…
Amid J.K. Rowling controversy, local woman can finally admit she has never read any Harry Potter books
HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Pot…