Dumb Week Archives - The Beaverton

Dumb Week

Glove model gets hand job

NEW YORK – Glove model Anton Kamilnik announced this morning with much excitement that he had finally received a hand job. “With the kind of proximity that they require,” said Kamilnik, “in…


Uncircumcised man slips on turtleneck

CALEDON, ON – An exasperated Gene Snift finally yielded to the many interview requests from giggling reporters about the “turtleneck incident” that occured last week. “If I’m being totally …


Death of print media leaves spy exposed

REDACTED – The widespread proliferation of newspapers once guaranteed covert operatives like John Stuggs a portable piece of cover, now agents like him are left with only their smartphones …