TORONTO – In a press conference unveiling the next step in their famous annual giveaway, Tim Horton’s has announced they will be officially changing the contest from Roll Up The Rim to Russ…
Tag: Tim Hortons
PM causes economy to crash by purchasing doughnuts from local business instead of Brazilian investment firm
WINNIPEG – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has obliterated the Canadian economy by purchasing doughnuts at a local business instead of the country’s largest chain of quick service restaurants…
7 fun facts about Canada that are neither fun nor facts
Have you ever wanted to know obscure, pointless, and flat-out inaccurate facts about this great nation, which will also leave you feeling kinda bummed out? Well, have we got a list for you! Check…
Tim Hortons worker playing Roll Up The Rim wins paid break
Cobourg, ON — It’s a lucky day for Tim Hortons employee Shirley Bishop, who won big at Roll Up the Rim: one paid break! “I was on my regular, unpaid coffee break when it happened,” said Bishop, w…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
New ‘Roll Up The Rim’ prize gives winners a free coffee from better coffee place
Hamilton, ON – The beloved Tim Hortons’ ‘Roll Up The Rim To Win’ contest is back and better than ever with a prize Canadians have long been hoping for – a free coffee from one of Cana…
Study: Anglo Canadian culture revealed just to be a series of brand loyalties
Hamilton, ON- A decade long study at McMaster University has found what many anthropologists have long suspected: that the sole feature of Anglo Canadian culture is identifying with certain brand…
Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something
OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …
Tim Hortons drops even further in consumer trust rankings after introducing bitcoin donut
HAMILTON – After falling in Canadian consumer trust due to their response to the minimum wage hike, Tim Horton’s dropped another 46 places this week thanks to their latest specialty item, t…