LEDUC – As part of ongoing pandemic response measures, national coffee chain Tim Hortons has confirmed that employees will not be allowed to spit into the Iced Capp machine until they’ve ha…
Tag: Tim Hortons
Tim Hortons insists Canada is just one more flavoured Iced Capp away from having a unique cultural identity
TORONTO – The national coffee chain Tim Hortons ended decades of academic and political turmoil this past weekend when it declared that Canada is just one or two more flavoured Iced Capps a…
Erin O’Toole reverses position he hasn’t announced yet
OTTAWA – In the wake of changing his position on abortion, guns and the carbon tax, Erin O’Toole has also announced that he no longer plans to sell corporate naming rights to all of …
Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest
OTTAWA – After encountering difficulties with early vaccine rollouts, the Government of Canada has announced that it plans to distribute all remaining vaccines through a Tim Hortons “Roll U…
Tim Hortons egg sandwich now official sponsor of Premier Ford’s pandemic press conferences
TORONTO – Tim Hortons and the Ontario government have signed a sponsorship deal to promote the chain’s egg sandwich and other items at provincial press conference related to the pandemic. P…
Hastily drawn Tim Hortons Smile Cookie pleads for death at hand of cruel creator
COBURG, ON – With the end of Tim Hortons Smile Cookie Week approaching, one cookie in particular cried out for the sweet release of death after being drawn quickly by an employee during the…
Face masks replaces Tim Hortons cups as Canada’s preferred public litter
Move over discarded double-double! The face mask is now Canada’s favourite source of roadside trash. The rubbish race is on as the once beloved plastic-lined cup is being replaced with millions o…
Execs beg Tim Hortons CEO not to release Black Lives Matter specialty donut
TORONTO – Executives at Canada’s most beloved/least edible fast food chain Tim Hortons have been begging company CEO Daniel Schwartz not to release the planned specialty donut “honouring” t…
But if we abolish police who will cut the line at Tim Hortons?
By: Denis Williams As many across this great nation have called for abolishing police forces, I find myself wondering what a world would look like without cops. Perhaps most disturbingly, I wonde…
“Nothing can harm me now,” states Tim Hortons employee behind flimsy plastic sheet
Scarborough, ON – Local Tim Hortons employee Jim Matthews feels invincible after his management has installed a thin plastic sheet in front of his register. “I’ve never felt so powerful,” s…