PARENTING FAIL: Prince George is NOT getting enough blood to grow up a conqueror
Just because they seem like the perfect couple, doesn’t mean Prince William and Kate Middleton are perfect parents. Case in point? 3-year-old Prince George drinks barely a gallon of blood every w…
Entire New York Times Editorial Board cross Canadian border, claim refugee status
HEMMINGFORD, QC – RCMP patrolling the Quebec-New York border have intercepted all 16 members of the New York Times Editorial Board who immediately claimed refugee status. The weary journali…
O’Leary slams Edmonton debate as “terribly bilingual”
BOSTON – Conservative leadership hopeful Kevin O’Leary announced this week that he would not participate in the party’s upcoming candidates’ debate in Edmonton, denouncing the event as “terribly …
Kellie Leitch proves commitment to shitty Canadian production values
OTTAWA – Conservative leadership hopeful Kellie Leitch has released a campaign video demonstrating that she has her finger on the pulse of traditional Canadian culture and it’s terrib…
Kyle Lowry wakes from surgery to find Drake asleep in hospital room chair
TORONTO – Recovering from surgery to clean out loose bodies from his right wrist, Raptors point guard Kyle Lowry woke up to find hip hop superstar Drake asleep in the hospital room chair, w…
Pope remains champion at annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating contest
VATICAN CITY – Consuming a record 87 pancakes in under 20 minutes, Pope Francis has retained his championship title for the fourth year in a row at the annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating …
Local man accidentally misses Oscars after not giving a shit
HALIFAX – This morning, local man, Robert Murray was shocked to discover he had mistakenly neglected to watch Hollywood’s biggest event last night because, fuck it. “Oh, I guess I did”, remarked …
Lonely Thomas Mulcair adopts 44 stray cats
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has adopted yet another stray cat, bringing the total number of felines in his one-bedroom apartment in Ottawa to 44. Mulcair made the announcement on soc…
UPDATE: Academy releases complete list of revised Oscar winners
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to last night’s now infamous Oscar Best Picture mix up, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has gone through their past records overnight and released…
Former teacher Trudeau sends heckling MP to Governor General’s office
OTTAWA – Drawing on past experience to maintain order in the House of Commons, Prime Minister Trudeau has sent a heckling MP to the Governor General’s office. “Okay, that’s strike three,” s…
