Man pretty sure nobody on train will notice him clipping nails, moulting skin - The Beaverton
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Man pretty sure nobody on train will notice him clipping nails, moulting skin

– Fairly certain that nobody on his morning commute will notice, man Paul Markus has begun to slowly clip his and tear away his current layer of skin to make room for a new one.

“Nobody will mind a little personal grooming. Now let me just—RAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!” said Markus, clawing deeply into his own scalp to tear away his old skin. “Hooey, hurts every time. Think anybody heard that?”

Despite best efforts to keep his yearly moulting low key, many fellow commuters on the packed Yonge-line train have been unable to help but notice as Markus flays himself from the head down.

“Typical,” said one man seated beside Markus under his breath, using his Metro newspaper to keep bits of old flesh from spattering him.

“Disgusting,” said a woman standing two feet away. “Leaving his nail clippings on the seat like that.”

“Also, good God, he’s gotten down to his nipples.”

Markus has reported that he actually hates having to do this on the , but that the dozens of horrified and sickened people surrounding him can keep him safe from predators while he sloughs.

“What I’m seeing is incomprehensible,” said local woman Cathy Delaunay, watching Markus as the subway smell began seeping into his soft new glistening skin. “But at least he’s not listening to videos on his phone speakers, otherwise I’d be absolutely

As of press time, the commuters have turned their attention away from Markus and are now directing even greater ire towards a woman normally breastfeeding her normal .