BREAKING: Elite squad of super pharmacists fills prescription in just 90 minutes
COBOURG, ON – Reports have emerged that an elite team of the country’s finest pharmacists have somehow managed to fill a customer’s prescription after a wait of only an hour and a half. “It…
Frantic cleaning of apartment before arrival of guests only quality time couple spends together
GUELPH – Early today Gary and Marsha Suffolk were struck with the realization that the only time they truly spend together any more is during the panicked apartment cleanup they perform about an …
Trump unsure if today’s backlash is because of something he said, did, started doing, threatened to do, or is thinking of doing
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – After yet another day of protests and media rebukes, Donald Trump is privately wondering if this backlash is due to a planned policy, enacted policy, an offensive twe…
iPhone autocorrecting words to ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’ again
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple shares took a dip today, as iPhones worldwide once again began to autocorrect messages to read ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’. “Hey, are you going to the ALL HAIL THE GRAVE…
CANADIAN VOICES: Baby capybaras born at High Park Zoo
After a high-profile escape from their enclosure at Toronto’s High Park Zoo last summer, two capybaras named Bonnie and Clyde have given birth to three offspring. What’s your say? &nb…
Report: Friend who claims to be “so broke” at brunch probably isn’t
OTTAWA – Findings from a recent study executed by the University of Ottawa’s Institutional Research and Planning department suggest that individuals who claim to be “so broke” during the course o…
Trump demands credit for defeating unpopular Trumpcare bill
WASHINGTON DC — Following the last-minute cancellation of a vote on the Republican “Trumpcare” bill, President Trump has questioned why he isn’t being lavished with praise for singlehandedl…
Friends of DIY couple dreading latest batch of their homemade porn
WINNIPEG – Local married couple Amanda and Jared Ricci, known for their various “do-it-yourself” projects, have once again invited friends over to sample their latest batch of homemade porn…
‘No one took my podcast recommendations seriously,’ yuppie bemoans
TORONTO – 26-year-old Samuel Griff shakes his head disdainfully as he recollects the countless times his podcast recommendations have been dismissed by friends, family, and co-workers. “I j…