TORONTO – Hoping to capitalize on millennial nostalgia through a newly awarded government grant, Canadian mega-studio Concerned Children’s Advertisers has greenlit a feature length adaptation of their hit 1990s franchise, the Don’t Put It In Your Mouth commercial.
Anyone who grew up watching Canadian children’s TV in the 90s will undoubtedly remember the catchy song “Don’t Cha Put It In Your Mouth” sung by two blue brother and sister fuzzy puppets whose names were never given. The studio believes now is the right time to bring back its positive message of asking someone you love before putting something in your mouth that you can’t identify, but this time, for a darker, more mature audience.
With iconic body-horror director David Cronenberg at the helm, the live-action feature is slated to star Jay Baruchel as the guitar playing brother and Tatiana Maslany as the pajama clad sister who find themselves living in a dystopian living room, replete with unknowable objects just waiting to be placed in their curious mouths. Other co-stars include Jason Priestley as the Talking Lion and Paul Gross as the Singing Beet. The film is set to make its debut this September at TIFF.
Don’t Put It In Your Mouth is only the first in a larger cinematic universe already in development and will soon be followed by gritty reboots of Recycle Rex: Recycle, Reduce, Reuse, Gert and Bert: Stay Alert, Stay Safe, The House Hippos, the Drugs, Drugs Drugs song, and, of course, the long awaited Astar: A Robot From Planet Danger Who Can Put Its Arm Back On But You Can’t So Please Play Safe.
“I think we can all agree that the one universally beloved franchise our culture has produced is our deep and rich trove of children’s public service announcements,” said Associate Deputy Minister of Heritage Guylaine F. Roy, who authorized the monies to finance the film. “It’s time we had our own blockbuster movies based on something we actually enjoy.”
Fans were pleased with the announcement.
“Finally! Something made in Canada that I actually like,” said Jennifer Yallinaski, 29, from Espanola, ON. “I haven’t thought about that PSA in 20 years but as soon as you mentioned it, all the words to that song came flooding back.”
At press time, the studio says Don’t Put It In Your Mouth is already the biggest budgeted Canadian film in history, with financing estimated to be in the range of $200,000.