Frightened Cheerio enters uncharted void between plastic bag and cereal box
UNKNOWN — A routine voyage to The Bowl was beset by tragedy this morning, when a straggling Cheerio fell into the unmapped nether region between the plastic bag and cereal box. The oat morsel wa…
Jennifer Lawrence hopes Tommy Grant of Glendale, AZ asks her to prom
BEVERLY HILLS — A-List Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is reportedly waiting for an elaborate viral promposal video from 17-year-old high school student Tommy Grant, of Glendale, Arizon…
Unhinged authoritarian son of privilege plans missile launch against same
WASHINGTON/ PYONGYANG — Reports indicate that an egomaniacal dynastic head of state with a tenuous grip on reality is planning to launch missiles at essentially the exact same person from a…
Montreal celebrates 50th anniversary of 325th anniversary celebrations
MONTREAL – Celebrations have already started for Montreal’s 50th anniversary of the 325th birthday celebrations since the city was first colonized by Europeans. 1967 was a big year for cele…
How To: Survive Finals Week
If you were stupid enough to pursue higher education, this is the video you need.…
Study: average spider swallows 10 smaller spiders per year while sleeping
GUELPH, ON — A recent study found that spiders are vital to the environment due to the large amount of insects they consume — including 10 smaller spiders per year they ingest while sleepin…
Report: It not supposed to make that sound
THE GARAGE – A report commissioned after everyone listened to it and wondered if maybe it’s supposed to make that sound has concluded that “no, it is not.” “It is designed to operate …
Leafs playoff berth gives hope to man who has also sucked for decades
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs rise to young playoff team has encouraged Henry Fawcett, a 57-year-old who has been finishing out of the playoffs of life for many years now. “I mean, if t…
Hero cat saves couch by barfing on carpet
MISSISSAUGA – The Ryan family cat, Cupcake was awarded the household medal of bravery after saving their brand new sectional by vomiting on the carpet instead. “At first I thought it was a hairba…
Quiz – Are you an obsessive person? Click a lot of boxes to find out!
Life can get pretty chaotic and sometimes the only thing that you can control is your obsessive-compulsive behaviour. Take this quiz and find out just how “in control” you really are! Sour…
