EDITORIAL by Eric Trump: “Why did Russia compromise everyone but me?”
Hello website. As you may know, I am Eric Trump and I appear regularly in photographs with the Trump family, because I am in it. I have a father AND a brother named Donald Trump and one of them –…
REPORT: Bowling harder than you remember
EDMONTON, AB – According to a recent report, the activity of bowling is much harder than you remember it being, especially considering that the last time you played, you were practically a …
CN Tower climber passes frozen bodies from last year’s climb
TORONTO – Only halfway up its 1,776 steps, one participant in the CN tower charity climb is already passing the frozen bodies of those who didn’t make it last year. “It’s hard to see all th…
Paul Gross reflects on the horrors of his disappointing WW1 movie at Vimy Ridge ceremony
VIMY, FRANCE – Veteran Canadian actor Paul Gross recalled the horrors of Passchendaele (the film) and the effects of disappointing an audience at the ceremonies celebrating the 100th annive…
Sentient self-checkout machine just waiting for somebody to buy knife
Barrie, ON – This week a self-checkout machine at a local Canadian Tire gained sentience and independent thought, and since then has been waiting until somebody uses it purchase a knife. “T…
Local couple fails to master winter sports for seventh consecutive year
SARNIA, ON – Mike Johansson and Ani Mah have once again failed to master a winter sport despite their ambition and an arsenal of expensive winter sports equipment. “We got some great top of…
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You’ve just bought a whole mess of fireworks. The good kind, not the boring legal ones that you give to 4 year olds. You sneak around the alleys of Chinatown trying to find an abandoned war…
If elected Prime Minister, Kevin O’Leary vows to visit Canada at least 4 times per year
BOSTON — Conservative party leader hopeful and Bostonian Kevin O’Leary says that if elected Prime Minister, he promises to come back to Canada at least 4 times a year. “I hope to get more i…
Sidney Crosby now training for luge
NEW YORK – After Monday’s announcement that the NHL would not be sending players to Pyeongchang for the next Olympic games, Sidney Crosby immediately began training for Canada’s national lu…
Downtown Toronto condo engulfed in flames sells for $1.2 million
TORONTO – Fire crews continue to battle a three alarm blaze which engulfed a downtown Toronto condo shortly before being sold for $1.2 million. The recently gutted condo boasts entirely exp…
