Minimum Wage Increase Debate
We bring in two highly qualified experts to discuss the pros/cons of raising the minimum wage.…
BREAKING: Mother of three finally figures out how to use digital camera
THUNDER BAY, ON – After finally getting around to using her Christmas gift from ten years ago, late breaking reports indicate that mother of three Joanna Johnson, 57, has finally figured ou…
Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico
JERUSALEM – In response to US President Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a st…
Health Canada tightens food safety regulations by changing 5 second rule to 3 seconds
OTTAWA – Health Canada and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency are changing their food safety regulations and guidelines on eating something that fell on the floor. “When it comes to consum…
Heritage Minute: Boil Water Advisory
A part of our heritage for how long?…
More farmers using Ontario PC platform as fertilizer for its high quality bullshit
LISTOWEL, ON – Farmers across Ontario have already started using the provincial PC Party’s platform to fertilize their fields as the policies outlined are nutrient rich in bullshit. Allan O…
Autocorrect nightmare: Typo in Bill C-45 legalizes cannibalism instead of cannabis
OTTAWA – Canada is one step closer to the accidental legalization of cannibalism after the House of Commons passed a typo-ridden Bill C-45, formerly known as The Cannabis Act. “I think no o…
Nation terrified after Uber hack threatens to reveal our embarrassing Uber history
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
After Olympic ban, Russia to stick to cheating at the foreign election level
LAUSANNE, SUI – In the wake of the International Olympic Committee’s ban on Russian athletes at next year’s Winter Olympics for doping, The Russian Federation announced that it will return …
Study: Rats don’t like it when scientists give them cancer
ST. CATHARINES – After years of clinical trials a group of researchers at Brock University have conclusively proven that rats do not enjoy being given cancer. “For as long as humanity has k…
