QUIZ: Is he into you or is he just looking for a LinkedIn endorsement? - The Beaverton

QUIZ: Is he into you or is he just looking for a LinkedIn endorsement?

In this fast and furious world of communication and self-branding, who can say what is genuine human connection and what is a tactical mission to obtain a endorsement?

Here are some questions to decode his confusing subliminal dude signals and figure out if he’s your “happily-ever-after” or another schmuck on your LinkedIn network.

1. Question 1: Does he know who you are?
As much as two strangers on this crazy little planet we call home can hope to know each other.
Yeah, we’re on the same project at work.
We exchanged vows and combined our last names.
2. Question 2: When you hang out, it’s usually because…
You’re at work, but you’re making coffee… so you could tentatively call it a coffee date?
You’re at work, uh working.
We come home to the same apartment and sleep in the same bed.
3. Question 3: Describe the kind of physical contact you guys have.
Sometimes our hands graze when he opens the door into the office for me and it gives me a full body shudder.
We high-fived once after a really long meeting, but it seemed kinda weird.
Kissing after saying “I do.” Weekly boinking.
4. Question 4: Does he ever send you late night texts?
Never, that would be highly inappropriate for coworkers who have not disclosed their relationship to HR. Not that there is a relationship - what was the question again?
He invited me to connect on LinkedIn at 11:43 PM last week, and then immediately endorsed all my skills.
He used to, but nowadays we only text about who's picking up groceries.
5. Question 5: What do your friends say about the situation?
“Isn’t that the guy you work with that you call ‘Meaty Boi’?”
“Oh yeah, he added me on LinkedIn too, I don’t really know him though.”
“I saw David at a restaurant last week, and I don’t want to worry you but he was at dinner with someone else.”
6. Question 6: Is he interested in anyone else?
I wouldn’t know, we do not discuss personal matters on company time like good and constantly monitored employees who would be risking it all if they ever acted on their illicit impulses.
I think so, he appears to have 587 LinkedIn “connections.”
I hope not! We’ve been married for 6 years… Oh God, what have you heard?!
QUIZ: Is he into you or is he just looking for a LinkedIn endorsement?
He’s into you! Or so we think, honestly office romances are hard to navigate.
Test the waters and endorse him for “Nonverbal communication” and “Interpersonal competency.” Who knows where this could take you! Potentially several more years of intense eye-fucking at work before he transfers to the Montreal office.
QUIZ: Is he into you or is he just looking for a LinkedIn endorsement?
He is straight hounding for that LinkedIn endorsement.
Look, you’re just two polite coworkers that don’t owe each anything but if an endorsement on that messy career website means so much to him, throw him a bone. Because he’s guaranteed to ask you for it in person and we don’t think you can handle the second-hand embarrassment of such a straightforward ask.
QUIZ: Is he into you or is he just looking for a LinkedIn endorsement?
You’re married but that isn’t a guarantee that he’s into you these days. How about you endorse him on LinkedIn in a last ditch attempt to save your marriage.
You’ve tried counselling, you even took a break last winter and stayed at your mother’s for a week. Support your man, so that he can support you. If endorsing him for “Communication” on LinkedIn is the thing that reignites your love, wouldn’t you be glad you did it?
  •  ♥ 
  •  🍆 
  • LOL 
  • I do not know how I feel about this 
  • I just want to click a button 
Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!