TORONTO – Performing a symbolic act of support for the LGBT+ community, Ontario Premier designate, Doug Ford, says he will walk in Toronto’s Pride Parade on June 23rd but only if the Toronto Police will be allowed to take riot batons and shields to any homosexual that gets too close to him.
“Pride is supposed to be about inclusion,” said Premier Ford, adding that he knew many gays in high school that he didn’t shove into lockers. “I look forward to walking with you once Pride’s organizers decide to allow Toronto’s uniformed officers back into the event, as they enforce a strict perimeter around me to protect against AIDS and other butt diseases.”
Toronto Police Services were no longer allowed to participate in Pride celebrations on a float or any other official, uniformed capacity following a successful Black Lives Matter protest in 2016. Ever since then, the TPS have been looking to rejoin in any way they could, and are now welcoming the opportunity to get in touch with their traditional roots of, “wailing on some sissies on Church street.”
“We said all along that participating in Pride helps to enforce a feeling of trust,” said Chief Mark Saunders, citing that the police believed there was a serial killer stalking the gay village for years, “eventually.” “We applaud the Premier for championing the many men and women in uniform who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans bashers.”
At press time, Doug Ford says he supports Pride and everything it does, “From the bottom of my heart,” adding, “No homo.”