Ultimate April Fools’ prank? Disciples find Christ dead in the tomb
ANCIENT JERUSALEM – The 11 remaining disciples of Jesus Christ were met with a merry prank this April Fools’ morning, after rushing to his tomb to find his body still there and very dead. “…
5 Easter egg hiding places that demonstrate your tactical dominance over your children
Whether it’s lying about a bearded man breaking into the house every Christmas or repeatedly subjecting them to grisly reminders of their own mortality at Hallowe’en, the holidays are about one t…
“I don’t want foreigners bringing their weird traditions to my country,” says man hiding chocolate eggs to honour dead deity
ARBORG, MB – Local man, Edgar Harris, 42, took time out of his annual Easter holiday traditions today to clarify his stance on Canada’s immigration policy, stating that foreigners are ruin…
Man stays up all night trying to decide on which ringtone to wake up to
KINDERSLEY, SK – Reports indicate that local man Marty Hahn spent the entire previous evening attempting to determine which chime or ringtone will wake him up in the morning. “The ‘Day by D…
QUIZ: are you a regular lady with a cold sore, or an 18th century harlot dying of the French Pox?
It’s a quandary most of us have had at one point or another. You wake up in the morning, and feel a tingly feeling on your lip. By the time you go to bed, a pustule has started to form. You tell …
Elon Musk finally invents a way to fuck gravity
Los Angeles, CA – Tech billionaire Elon Musk announced today, after years of research and million of dollars, that he has finally found a way to put his penis inside the physical constant o…
Barrick Gold entombs fifty foreign miners in Peter Munk’s pyramid so he’ll have workers to abuse in afterlife
TORONTO – Deceased Barrick Gold founder and philanthropist Peter Munk will be laid to rest this week in his family’s pyramid along with fifty still-living miners so he can always have someo…
Doug Ford commits to reducing UN spending, upholding Second Amendment, and granting independence to Catalonia
TORONTO – After suggesting that he would cut the federally funded CBC, Ontario PC Leader Doug Ford has also made some bold pledges including a reduction in UN spending, granting independenc…
Study confirming your life is weird and sad passes peer review
Toronto – A study confirming that you lead a bad and pathetic life has passed peer review: even though this has always been obvious, even to the layperson. “Obviously getting publishe…
Woman on vacation wonders how much guilt to unpack
CAYO COCO, CUBA – Mother of three, Tricia Spumante, was eagerly awaiting her much needed vacation at an all inclusive resort when it struck her that she had to unpack all the guilt that was…
