16 years after Gangs of New York, Daniel Day-Lewis still refusing to drop character as Bill the Butcher
NEW YORK – Proving his dedication to the craft of acting, Daniel Day-Lewis is still roaming the streets of New York city with a cleaver, even though principal photography on Gangs of New Yo…
What’s-His-Face, That Guy named to Canadian Olympic men’s hockey team
TORONTO – Team Canada has announced its men’s Olympic hockey roster which includes such notable players as What’s-His-Face, That Guy, and Him. “We have a very talented, hard-working team,” …
Parti Québécois proves they aren’t racist by bravely not wanting to talk about racism
QUEBEC CITY – As the anniversary of last year’s mosque shooting outside Québec City approaches, the Parti Québécois has succeeded in proving that they are “not even a little bit racist” by opposi…
Vancouver mayor won’t run for re-election because he can no longer afford to live in Vancouver
VANCOUVER – After ten years as Vancouver’s mayor, Gregor Robertson has announced he will not be running for re-election because he can’t afford to live in the city anymore. “I love Vancouve…
After being ousted from Conservatives, Lynn Beyak retreats to one place racism is still acceptable: the Canadian Senate
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Bannon steps down from Breitbart to spend more time drinking alone
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Steve Bannon, former Chief Strategist for President Donald Trump, will be stepping down as Executive Chairman of Breitbart News so he can devote more of his time to drink…
Government urges people to stay out of the woods during yeti mating season
BANFF NATIONAL PARK – Provincial wildlife experts are warning hikers, skiers and snowmobilers that we’ve entered the most active period of the Yeti mating season and forestested areas are n…
Toronto’s homeless are probably fine now that it’s only -10 out, right?
BY: HANK LANGMIRE This past week I was shocked and disgusted after reading about how the city totally failed to provide our homeless with adequate shelter from the extreme cold. It was shameful, …
St. Francis Xavier’s pinky finger curls ominously after parishioner makes first wish
Antigonish, NS – Reports indicate that the relic of St. Francis Xavier has curled back one of its digits after a man reportedly made a wish for $200,000 to pay for his mortgage. “I warned y…
