VICTORIA, BC – During an argument with her boyfriend, Theresa Stover discovered that she isn’t so much mad as she is impressed by her cheating boyfriend, Devon Caputo’s, time management abi…
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City of Victoria attempts to dispose of Sir John A statue via compost
VICTORIA – The municipality of Victoria has come across some difficulty in their attempt to be more green and compost the non-compostable metal statue of the first Prime Minister of Canada,…
You’ll never believe how this millionaire who has access to the best healthcare in human history stays so young looking
LOS ANGELES – Everyone wants to know how actress, heiress and noted WOFPSWF (woman over forty people still wanna fuck) Simone Star maintains her youthful appearance, and finally her secret …
Nothing strange about Bermuda Triangle, reports man who died there sixty years ago
DALLAS, TX – There is nothing mysterious or supernatural about the Bermuda Triangle, reports Bill Ketterle, a US pilot who perished there in a plane crash in 1957. “Look, I know there are m…
Bear wakes up from wild night out with ear tag
LYTTON, BC – A black bear found itself with a cheeky new accessory and a hazy memory after a wild night on Friday. The bear, 5, struggled to recall an exact timeline that led to the tag bei…
Hungover robin wishes humans would shut the fuck up
Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…
Kathleen Wynne completes third draft of concession speech
TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally p…
Tim Hortons releases donut commemorating Humboldt Broncos donut PR disaster
OAKVILLE — Tim Hortons has released a second “tragedy donut” commemorating the PR disaster that followed the release of a Humboldt Bronco’s donut. The “PR Disaster” donut features miniature…
Valerie Plante approval rating drops after she bans running down cyclists on Mount Royal
MONTREAL — Recently elected Montreal mayor Valerie Plante’s approval rating has plummeted once again after announcing a controversial ban against driving your car into, and running o…
Woman on death row’s final meal request: “I don’t know, whatever you want”
RICHMOND, VA – When faced with the decision of selecting her final meal, death-row inmate Sherry Burns declared that she was “cool with whatever.” “All I wanted to know was what she wanted …
