WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s press conference leaving impeachment up to Congress, House Democrats have announced they will instead send President Trump…
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Trudeau always assumed he would be taken down by much sexier scandal
OTTAWA — Following criticism of his decision to oust Jody Wilson-Raybould from the Liberal caucus in the fallout of the SNC-Lavalin affair, Prime Minister Trudeau has replied that he always…
Scheer to follow awkward Christmas message with very awkward Valentines message
OTTAWA –- Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has announced he will top his uncomfortable 2018 Christmas message to the nation with an even squickier video set to be released on February 14th. Acco…
Parents update password to latest dog
VANCOUVER, BC – In a surprising move, Kevin and Sue Dikkers have updated their computer passwords to the latest family dog. ‘Frances!1’ replaces ‘Benji!1’ a long running password in held in…
Ontario’s new “open for business” signs criticized for failing to indicate operating hours
QUEEN’S PARK — Doug Ford’s new Welcome to Ontario signs featuring the slogan “Open for Business” have generated controversy amongst taxpayers for leaving out Ontario’s business hours.…
Woman trudges on in shitty relationship because she really wants a couples’ costume
HALIFAX, NS — After much thought, Jacinda Moore has decided she will stay with her current crap boyfriend, Mike Hennigar, due to really wanting a couples’ costume for Halloween 2018. “I hav…
Canada sure all the other countries can tell it’s high
CANADA—Canada has repeatedly confirmed to numerous sources that “everybody else for sure knows” it is “absolutely flying, guys.” The 151-year-old nation, which today legalized the recreational us…
30-year old woman drinking water at bar wants you to know she’s not pregnant
CALGARY -—During a friend’s birthday party at O’Malley’s bar, 30-year-old, recently married marketing consultant Annie Pierre has reportedly assured upwards of 12 attendees that, despite her refu…
François Legault assures Muslim, Sikh, Jewish civil servants that they are free to wear crucifixes to work
QUEBEC CITY — Premier-designate François Legault has assured Quebec citizens that, since the crucifix is a historical symbol and not a religious one, civil servants of other faiths should f…
Edmonton hockey fans counting down the days until Oilers are mathematically eliminated from playoffs
EDMONTON — As the Oilers took the ice for their final exhibition game Saturday night, Jeff Kawchuk and Doug Mason stood behind the end boards beaming like kids on Christmas Eve. “175 days,”…
