TORONTO – After retiring from the CBC’s flagship broadcast news program, The National, journalist and Canadian icon Peter Mansbridge has taken a new job as lead nude anchor on the Toronto-b…
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Shadowy cabal agrees to buy bigger conference table
ZURICH – The clandestine organization of billionaire power brokers responsible for controlling the world’s destiny has reportedly decided to purchase a larger conference table. “The vote is…
EDITORIAL: If it wasn’t for our discrimination, Pride wouldn’t even exist
As a Police officer, it is disappointing that the Toronto Police will no longer be marching in pride, in large part because we practically invented pride. If it wasn’t for our efforts raidi…
Accused serial surrealist pleads “rhinoceros”
OTTAWA – A man accused of eighteen counts of criminal absurdity and surrealistic acts, entered a plea in federal court yesterday claiming that he is “rhinoceros” of all charges. Alejandro R…
Website faces class action lawsuit by readers who believe what happened next
OTTAWA – A class action lawsuit has been filed against the media website TimeSuck by a group of users who viewed an online video and found it to be well within the realm of believability, c…
To be clear, Marineland very much not offering customers opportunity to chainsaw live Orca
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Several months after animal cruelty charges were laid against them by the OSPCA, the extremely litigious water park Marineland is not, we repeat, not, allowing guests th…
Paw Patrol investigated for sexist hiring practices
ADVENTURE BAY – Paw Patrol, a team of pups that save the day whenever there’s a problem, is under investigation by the Adventure Bay Human Rights Bureau for sexist hiring practices. Ryder, …
Beleaguered Kendall Jenner launches #kendALLlivesmatter campaign
LOS ANGELES – Facing backlash for her poorly received protest-themed Pepsi commercial, reality tv star Kendall Jenner has created the hashtag #kendALLlivesmatter to raise awareness of her p…
REPORT: Bowling harder than you remember
EDMONTON, AB – According to a recent report, the activity of bowling is much harder than you remember it being, especially considering that the last time you played, you were practically a …
If elected Prime Minister, Kevin O’Leary vows to visit Canada at least 4 times per year
BOSTON — Conservative party leader hopeful and Bostonian Kevin O’Leary says that if elected Prime Minister, he promises to come back to Canada at least 4 times a year. “I hope to get more i…