LYTTON, BC – A black bear found itself with a cheeky new accessory and a hazy memory after a wild night on Friday. The bear, 5, struggled to recall an exact timeline that led to the tag bei…
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Hungover robin wishes humans would shut the fuck up
Trenton, ON – After coming home late following a drunken evening with friends, a hungover Robin wished the humans talking loudly below his tree branch would shut the fuck up. “I met t…
Kathleen Wynne completes third draft of concession speech
TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally p…
Tim Hortons releases donut commemorating Humboldt Broncos donut PR disaster
OAKVILLE — Tim Hortons has released a second “tragedy donut” commemorating the PR disaster that followed the release of a Humboldt Bronco’s donut. The “PR Disaster” donut features miniature…
Valerie Plante approval rating drops after she bans running down cyclists on Mount Royal
MONTREAL — Recently elected Montreal mayor Valerie Plante’s approval rating has plummeted once again after announcing a controversial ban against driving your car into, and running o…
Woman on death row’s final meal request: “I don’t know, whatever you want”
RICHMOND, VA – When faced with the decision of selecting her final meal, death-row inmate Sherry Burns declared that she was “cool with whatever.” “All I wanted to know was what she wanted …
Your girlfriend doesn’t want commitment, she wants you to be Rihanna
MISSISSAUGA – After numerous consultations with groups of women congregating in club bathrooms, irrefutable evidence proves that most women are dissatisfied with how un-Rihanna their partne…
Loblaws accused of price-fixing scheme on apology gift cards from last price-fixing scheme
Brampton, ON — Grocery chain Loblaws, which recently offered $25 gift cards to apologize for a nationwide 14-year-long price fixing scheme on bread, has been accused of subjecting the gift …
I’m the Champ: What is Cool?
Yesterday my bud Will asked me what a cool is, and how did I get to be so cool? I told him I’m not so cool, I just have lots of style and pinash. He said what’s pinash? I said look it…
