CORNWALL, ON – Signs at the City Kids Summer Camp at the Mackenzie Bowell Recreation Centre are urging camp goers to stay “four and a half bunnies apart,” and while campers agree it’s a ver…
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Four out of five real housewives dead after throwing wine at laptop during Zoom reunion
Four stars of The Real Housewives franchise were electrocuted to death Animaniacs style, after throwing wine on their laptops during a Reunion Zoom special. Marissa Dump, Hillary Thonk, Rebessica…
Tooth Fairy admits she would also pay for other body parts
OSLO – In an exclusive interview with Norway’s NRK1, the Tooth Fairy, a magical being who is known for slipping into children’s rooms at night and leaving money in exchange for one of their…
Summer camp cancellations deprive millions of tweens access to first-base
MUSKOKA, ON – After the news that overnight camps would be suspended this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, millions of tweens were left heartbroken upon the realization that this would no…
Animal Cruelty Whistleblower dead after whistle attracts many bears
WHISTLER – 36-year-old animal rights whistleblower Leonard Bont was found dead after his handy “shut the fuck up and listen” whistle attracted many bears. Medics arrived on the scene too la…
Local father tries to remember not to call himself ‘daddy’ when his children aren’t around
REVELSTOKE, BC – Father of three Brian O’Shaughnessy is trying hard to scale back his habit of referring to himself as ‘Daddy’ instead of ‘Brian’ in conversations where he is not speaking d…
Democrats excited by early opportunity to tear themselves apart from within
DES MOINES, IA – The U.S. Democratic party is celebrating a rare win after a computer glitch at their Iowa primary gave them a chance to self-destruct earlier than they normally do in an el…
Internet argument less fun at dinner table
NAPIERVILLE, QC – Following a heated discussion during a family dinner about the same topics those present typically argued about online, all members of the Chernak family agreed that it la…
Meaghans standardize spelling of their name
TORONTO – Breaking through intense political gridlock, the Toronto Council of Me(a)g(h)ans struck a deal late last night to finally standardize the spelling of their name. “On behalf of M…
Millennial Christmas party evacuated as guests run out of TV shows to talk about
TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to m…