Rational Alex Jones shows how the Bilderbergs and Illuminati control everything
Alec Jonas is back with another episode of BeaverWars.…
If only Jerry Lewis had died 20 years ago we’d have a lot of good things to say about him
By: Henry Clarkson This morning we learned of the death of legendary comedian Jerry Lewis and I think I speak for the entire world when I say that if this was 1997, I would have been really bumme…
Man losing valiant struggle against burrito
CALGARY – Fighting the urge to just give up and walk away in shame, a local man is currently in the midst of a heroic – but losing – battle to finish the rest of his burrito. At…
Apartment residents officially surrender to fruit fly occupation
CALGARY – Roommates Amir Reza, Ashley Barker, and Kyle Garland have officially drawn up terms of surrender to the fruit fly forces occupying their 3 bedroom apartment. “We, the human reside…
Man ghosts woman after 45 years of marriage
EDMONTON – After spending 45 years in a seemingly perfectly happy marriage, local husband Pierre Villeneuve has ghosted his wife Catherine. “The trick to a good ghosting means laying …
Andrew Scheer distances himself from The Rebel, will go ahead with op-ed in Eugenics Quarterly
OTTAWA – Following the website’s involvement in the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, Conservative party leader Andrew Scheer has decided to cut ties with The Rebel, planning instead to publi…
Steve Bannon leaves White House in search of whiter house
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Stephen K. Bannon, White House strategist and de facto leader of the uncivil rights movement, has resigned from his post as the president’s most trusted advisor, citing a…
Woman of colour excited to compare tans with you
REGINA – This past Friday, Arththy Safeer was beyond excited to compare her ‘tan’ with co-worker Morgan Klein. “I love having my skin that I was born with used as a visual marker for how mu…
Leaving early enough to beat cottage traffic making local dad so fucking wet
OAKVILLE – This morning Chet Billingsley, a local father of three, organized his family into a 5:30 a.m. departure from their home in order to avoid cottage country traffic. As a result of this s…
Johnny Depp surprises kids at local hospital dressed up as Amber Heard’s abuser
VANCOUVER – Spirits were high at the BC Children’s Hospital this week when actor Johnny Depp made a surprise appearance fully made up and in costume as the man who abused Amber Heard.…
