Hot down, it’s summer in the city! Now that we’re mid-way through summer it’s time for you to get your vacation on, and what’s more fun in the sun than reading?! But wait, you haven’t read a book since high school and even then you didn’t actually read, but made very educated guesses on what “The Great Gatsby” was about? Well Beavefeed has got your back- because this list of hot summer reads are for just for you. Here are the Top Five beach reads for people who pretend to read.
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA- Lauren Weisberger
For fun light fare, “The Devil Wears Prada” is a great read for anyone who doesn’t like to read because it is a pretty irrelevant book. It’s from 2003. What are you doing reading a book that old that isn’t Steinbeck? Mix in the fact that there is a way more popular movie, people will be too confounded by your novel choice to ask about your feelings on the book. They will be too preoccupied with you being stuck in the past. The only question you’re most likely get is, “But, why?”
GONE GIRL- Gillian Flynn
This one is a classic beach read; because nothing screams “the beach” more than a woman framing her husband for her murder. The best part about pretending to read this book is there is a huge spoiler situation going on. So any time anyone asks you what the book is about, say you “can’t really get into specifics because you don’t want to give away the twist”. If this response is met with push back, scream nonsense in their face, and then claim “Gone Girl” made you do that, because it was a twist no one saw coming.
HARD CHOICES- Hillary Clinton
This book doesn’t necessarily qualify as a beach read, since beach reads are meant as escapism and this book is a walk down memory lane, if that memory lane is the parallel hell-scape we are currently living in. The best part about pretending to read this book is it will make you look like you care about what is happening in current events, because let’s be honest, you’re pretending to read books; you are a stone cold philistine, you care for nothing and no one. However, in case anyone asks you specific information about this book, just call them a sexist, it’s most likely the truth.
THE CRYING OF LOT 49- Thomas Pynchon
The shortest of Pynchon’s novels, this is a perfect fake summer read because it sounds so boring that no one will ask you what it’s about. People also will not ask you if you liked it, because it is an immediate assumption that you did not. However do not pretend to read this around men in their late twenties with trumpet tattoos on their forearms. They have read this book. They are insufferable.
THE BIBLE- God
The good book is the perfect pretend read because, fun fact, no one has read the whole thing. Plus every story has several meanings, so when a Nosey Parker asks what you’re reading just respond, “Why, life itself”. Bonus- if you wanted a quiet vacay, bringing a bible with you to the beach is a sure fire way to have no one speak to you.