The Beaverton

Hedgehogs are pussies

By A Porcupine Hey hedgehog! You’re a pussy! Yeah I’m talking to you, you poor excuse for a defence-based mammal. What are you going to do about it? Roll into a ball and quiver? Yes, I know I rol…


Man quits family to spend more time with job

TORONTO, ON – The difficulty of balancing work life and family life led local businessman Ricky Canker to quit his family of three children and one wife last Tuesday, in order to devote mor…


Local man likes to think he’s funny

SCARBOROUGH, ON – After watching a comedy special featuring several top comics, 36-year-old suburbanite Peter Wisken made a formal announcement Thursday evening regarding his long-held belief tha…