Machismo exhibited by carrying lots of groceries in one trip
TORONTO – Local resident Jeff Saunders impressed onlookers on Hartford Street when he carried fourteen bags of groceries from his car up to his apartment in one trip, sources reported last …
Guy on exercise bike increases workload to impress cute girl
ETOBICOKE, ON – While using an exercise bike at his local gym last Tuesday, Ryan Savage, an infrequent gym patron, increased the machine’s speed and resistance after noticing a cute girl wa…
Squash partner invokes dangerous ‘dick-out’ rule
WINNIPEG, MA – A game of squash between two University of Winnepeg professors turned extremely unsafe last Saturday morning after the ‘dick-out’ rule was invoked. Prof. Paul Stewarts, 39, f…
Man refuses jail solely on basis of last name
EVANSVILLE, IN – What’s in a name? Freedom, according to one man. Jason Freeman, 37, refused to go to prison yesterday after being convicted for aggravated assault, arguing that his l…
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“69” Laughed at
KINGSTON, ON – Yesterday, a student attending a Sociology lecture laughed out loud when the professor said the number “69.” Professor Deborah Marshal, 56, had been discussing material from …
Botched handshake embarrasses local man
HAMILTON, ON – Local resident Mark Sanford, 24, ruined his chances of making friends with two cool dudes yesterday when an introductory handshake went horribly wrong. Sanford’s friend…
Erratic orbit of Pluto used as pick-up line
YORK, ON – At a downtown house party over the weekend, James Denison, 21, a third-year astronomy major at York University, used an unconventional method to initiate a conversation with a gi…
Business man in talks of merger with woman
TORONTO – Private equity firm employee Praj Patel, 31, is in merger talks with airline stewardess Aneesha Sherawat, 27, a woman. If successful, the deal could lead to a 60% increase in coha…
